32B's Blog

…where I write my words

Confused

Today I am a big ball of confusion.  I have been in these bouts for the past few months off and on about every part of my life.  My kids are at that point where I need a vacation from them.  I might have to explain for the non-parents or for the parents who have the perfect child(ren).  Well, my boys tend to work my nerves sometimes and I usually need a break from them (and vice versa) at some point before I lose it.  What is “it”?  My sanity, my temper, my understanding that kids have a limitless amount of energy & boys fight often, or my grip with reality that no parent is perfect and there will be days when I need to ask someone close to me to watch them for a weekend just so I can catch my breathe.  One talks back and I’ve smacked him right in the mouth on several occasions while I calmly look him in the eye as he cries and say, “now, next time you will do what I asked you and save your lil comments for someone who cares because if I wanted your opinion on how I should raise you I would have asked for it.  It’s ok to have a viewpoint, to be an individual, or to even voice your concerns but I am the one who makes all final decisions and not a nan one of those will be subjected to your poor excuse for negotiating your way into my parenting.  Got it?”  Might be a little too much for an 8yo to grasp but he is beginning to understand that talking back is never a good thing and he is still a child until further notice.  My 4yo seems to have an accident (pee) at the most inopportune times.  If this child doesn’t go to the bathroom at the moment his body alerts him then it’s too late.   You know how many times a week I do laundry?  In addition to that, they are both outgrowing everything!  What is the point of winter shopping if the clothes barely last throughout this one season?!  I need a break from my kids.

Usually, at the end of the month I put together an Executive Summary for each outsourcing client.  My sup processes the files and makes note of anything that should be added to the report and I put the report together.  Well, part of that report involves a Featured Analysis which, for this month, involves highlighting the area where the most charges are incurred by bank service grouping.  I had a small meeting with my sup who told me if a certain situation arises to just do “A”.  That situation arose and I did “A” as instructed but not before one client’s bank re-sent a file which had to be re-processed and my report had to be done all over again.  Then, I emailed all 5 (only half of them) to her for approval and she emails me back with corrections or suggestions.  No big deals, I don’t mind constructive criticism but when you criticize what we clearly discussed involving “A” then I have a problem.  Now, I have learned to only send her the final reports when she does not have too much time to critique every single thing including how I typed my name at the bottom of the report.  Every bit of anal.

I don’t know if I mentioned the company I work for getting sold.  It hasn’t yet but since the founders & owners are approaching retirement age, it just might happen this year or next.  So, I have been thinking about my future and where I want to be as well as what I want to be doing career-wise.  Basically, nothing involves Chicago anymore.  I wondered from day 1 why I was brought here I think I am beginning to see that.  Now, it’s time for me to leave.  The same itch I felt when I left Chicago for Lafayette and Lafayette for Indianapolis and the same itch I felt when I left Indianapolis for Chicago is what I am starting to feel now.  I might very well be here another 2 yrs maybe but the itch is there and I no longer feel the need to stay here which brings me to Mr.D.  I have this thing where I must sign up for something, let it settle, even go through the motions and see if it’s for me, and then be able to tell myself “yes” or “no” with complete certainty before I can move on.  When I thought about getting back with my ex-husband I told him so, he was extremely excited, he said it was music to his ears, and I began to see myself walk back down that road to him with his arms open wide ready to hold me in complete happiness.  But, I started to walk backwards, I began to fret, I realized that all my eyes were seeing was a man with horns on either side of his head and fire burning in the background where he stood.  I knew I didn’t want to go back to him or give our marriage another chance but, when my minister asked me if I was sure or if I’d even tried, I didn’t know until I “tested” it out.  Yes, I played with his emotions but now I have clarity….at the expense of his heart I guess.  A test is still a test and I am still looking for rats to run around this maze called Life.

That brings me to Mr.D … not sure about him anymore.  He put a title on it (which is what I wanted), he cares a lot for me, I care about him, but  maybe I just wanted to see if I wanted him as much as my emotions did.  My mind must be convinced or else my heart won’t be allowed to stay but, oddly enough, when my mind speaks my heart forgets about those feelings that used to exist if they ever did at all.  Mr.D’s future?  I have no clue.  The man has been dreaming of opening his own shop since I met him (black folks and their cookie cutter dreams).  It’s 3 yrs later almost and he is no where near that goal esp since he is constantly losing clientele cause he works at his other job too much.  He is an entrepeneur at heart but he slaves away at a job where he is underappreciated, over-worked, and not happy.  I asked about his business plan…he doesn’t have one.  He asked me to research grants for him.  Fine, what are your estimated start-up costs?  He has no idea.  A ballpark figure?  He gave a range of $75,000 (ridiculous).  Do you have a location?  City?  Suburb?  No clue.  Do you even have a name yet?  Nope.  Great.  I thought my dreams still in a stage of infancy were bad….his aren’t even fertilized yet.  I don’t know why I thought adding a title would make it officially special but, nope, still the same person which the same 2 issues that have always irritated me but he is my friend so it makes it worthwhile.  However (there is always a however), we need to get this worked out.

The story of Noah, the ark, & the flood is fabricated.  Factual evidence does not exist to support this tale.  Facts is where my mind thrives.  I’m not confused about my faith or in whom I believe.  I guess my focus is narrow now and more concentrated because, as the Bible is discounted left and right, I feel it’s still not a good enough argument against Christianity.  It’s cute to debate fellow Christians but it’s childs play.  It’s cute to hear sermons complete with yelling, sweat, and scriptures but the power comes from what is real and what is not.  What good is quoting Paul if Paul never existed (just an example)?  Christianity has been under attack for ages so it’s no surprise.  The surprise is why no one speaks of it from within the church.  What other biblical stories are rooted more in fiction than anything?  I need to die with a clear notion of where my faith falls and where it stands strong.  Science has no place in religion.  Religion has no place in government.  Government has no place in politics.  Politics has no place in humanity.  Yet humanity has a place in science, religion, government, and politics.  What the hell is true and what the hell is not?  I’m not asking myself or anyone reading this.  Before I die I need to know what is real and what is false because the facts are just that….facts!  You can’t deny facts and faith isn’t enough to stretch the truth to fit any dogma.  A fellow blogger talks about God needing a Press Secretary.  There comes a time when not knowing is perfectly fine but to not want to know is an abomination so I ask my God whom I grew up believing in to tell me what is the truth.  Not as a dare, or a threat, or an ultimatum…if for God I live and for God I die then I pray He doesn’t leave me to die with questions in my head and accuse me of never believing.

March 1, 2010 Posted by | Christian, Life | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fresh Eyes

I have an hour before I get to leave work and go home. My eyes are tired and I know this because I keep catching mistakes on a report I did last month so, to prevent another “what the hell was I doing” moment with myself….I am taking an Eye break.  Fresh eyes are always needed when you star too hard at numbers for long periods of time….eventually they seem to run together or look the same.  I have a few random thoughts today:

I’m sitting in my little cubicle next to my supervisor when I get a little window from Outlook…I have a new email.  I glance at it to see if I wanna read it now or later.  I read “Denisha, you will be doing training for (company’s name)….” I clicked the lil box which opened the email and my heart started beating like crazy.  A one day training in Schaumburg, IL for a new client of my dept.  I’m nervous as hell!  My sup said I can take a veteran guy from our company with me but, as she said it, she sighed really loudly as if to mean “if you really feel you need help or someone to hold your hand” so I read between the lines.  I have to go solo.  No one asked me if I wanted to go solo.  She emailed my manager, he replied back “I agree with Denisha going”, and I was the last to know.  Great!  Some time next month I will do training #1 and #2 eventually which my sup kinda slipped on in the convo.  Public speaking is not my thing.  I like to talk but in front of people about something they have no clue on and I am supposed to be the “expert”…nope!  It should be easy if they don’t know anything anyways, right?  Well, it’s not.  I’m just freaking out.  I’ll be fine.  I’ll prepare beforehand and make sure I can set the training crap up (lord knows I know nothing about setting up technology anything) and I’ll give it my all.  I hope I don’t pass out.

I printed off 2 forms I need for my taxes since my childcare provider would prefer I not claim the thousands I paid her for 2009 but she has clearly fell and bumped her head on something.  She doesn’t have an EIN# and she refuses to give me her SS# so the IRS told me how to file for my credit(s) and still cover my butt just in case.  It’s something called Due Diligence but the forms are needed so I gotta get that done.  I usually do my own taxes but I’m not sure if I will this year since I have additional paperwork that is new to me….don’t wanna mess things up for myself.  Also, I need to file because I married an azzhole who may try to claim one of the kids for his tax purposes.  Per our divorce documents, he can only claim one of the kids if he is current on his child support.  If he is behind for whatever reason (which he is since he quit his job for p*ssy over the summer), I have the legal right to claim both.  If he claims one behind my back, I have to take him to court so the judge will legally force him to pay the money back to me along with my attorney fees.  See how irritating this can get?  No one has any idea the ball of shyt I married….all they care about is seeing my family back together again.  Walk in my shoes first and then you can suggest how I wear them.  I don’t get frustrated anymore although I used to.  I just let people have their own opinions, think I am going to hell, blah blah blah, and smile as I walk away.  So, tomorrow I shall file (I really have to make time actually) my taxes so I don’t give him time to exercise his potential to be an azz.

I made a meatloaf last night and it did not fall apart 🙂 this is my 3rd time in my life trying to make it.  This time I used eggs cause I don’t remember if I used any the last 2 times.  Anywho, my oldest ate it like he hadn’t eaten in years!  That boy has a tapeworm or something.  I think I cook enough just to find out I have nothing for leftovers.  Counterproductive if my goal is to cook enough for several days as opposed to one.

Church.  I try not to complain or let anything bother me so I have something to complain about but I just have small annoyances.  The guy I mentioned earlier who is married gave me this big smile and opened his arms to hug me.  I suddenly found my 4 yo very interesting as I walked on by pretending I hadn’t noticed his arms.  One lady told my oldest I need to have him in Sunday School.  My initial thought, “is she coming to pick you up?!”   My next thought, “she need Jenny Craig but you don’t see me putting my nose where it don’t belong”.  My kids should go to Sunday school.  I would even say they need to go to Sunday school.  That comment just irritated me a tad bit because she could have said something to me instead of to my son but it’s cool….I’ll act like I didn’t hear it.  But, if I do take them, what will I do for that hour??  Adult classes are boring. 

I haven’t ran in 2 weeks but the weird thing is that I’m losing weight.  When I do run regularly I end up gaining weight.  Really strange!  It’s warm enough outside but I don’t feel like dodging patches of ice still on the ground AND my work schedule for this week and next is cutting into my work from home days (aka running afternoons).  This week, I only have 1 work from home day but my 4 yo is out of school that day too so I will have him home with me.  Next week, we have auditors coming in which means we have to be in the office that whole week but I have Friday off to go to Indy for the weekend.  You see?  I won’t be able to run til February 😦 I’m losing what fitness level I have gained but it’s cool.  I’m Bunny…I will bounce back.  Ok, back to work and happy MLK day!! Hasta luego amigos!!

January 18, 2010 Posted by | Life | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Freestyle Friday?

The_thinker_by_selesterHaven’t really been online much and I never seem to have any one topic to write about….it’s always several topics.  Let me say I am glad other bloggers I read write about politics, racism, environment, economy, spirituality more than I probably ever will because those topics seem interesting for me to read than write.  What I don’t understand is how ppl write and read about the same ole crap.  Black folks tend to follow other black folks’ blogs and, sometimes there are good topics, often times it’s a bunch of Blacks folks complaining.  Pick a topic and that’s what they’re complaining about.  OMG!  All the readers agree essentially and everyone blames the same group of people and they all have the same explanation that has been placed on the table yrs and likely decades ago.  It’s like pro-lifers debating with themselves about how awesome pro-life is.  I think we all know blacks folks love to argue and debate….we got it!  We all know Black folks love to talk the talk but won’t walk ‘ish….we got it!  We all know Black folks got a reason or excuse for everything….we got it!  Not all Black folks but some and I’m black so y’all know I’m irritated as hell!  Talk about something else….please!!  And the kid that was beat to death on the southside of Chicago….a tragedy.  No one cares till someone dies.  Yep, you wrote a blog about it….congratulations.  You did absolutely nothing to help the situation but invite more people to agree with you on how senseless the crime was which is something we all agreed on before your blog post so thank you for wasting online time to tell us your -2 cents on the matter.

Almost a month ago during my last Prayer Ministry mtg, we were discussing chp 1 & 2 of Spiritual Warfare when I had a confused moment.  If I’m saved but I still fall from time to time and my name is never erased from the Book of Life then what incentive do I have to live right therafter?  I’m not planning on doing anything counter-God but I’m just asking so I know because, if that’s the case, it sounds like the perfect set-up.  Well, Rev. Allen explained it but with each explanation or example I had another question as did others who were there and I saw this twinkle in her eyes right when she said, “I love to teach” so I felt better because after the 2nd or 3rd question the teacher is usually like, “meet me during office hours cause you holding up class”.  Anywho, she explained everything and we listened and I wrote down what she was saying along with scriptures she was spitting off like they were the ABCs.  When she paused for any other questions, I raised my hand and asked, “who taught you all this?”  No offense at all but I am always curious as to where someone in a teaching position got their information to make sure I wasn’t being fed crap that’s completely wrong.  She smiled at me and started talking about her Study Bible which I must say puts mine to shame!  Anywho, I’m sure conviction and other worldly dangers (AIDs, premature death, etc) can steer someone in a semi-right path in life but it’s hard to understand how forgiveness and grace is just that sufficient to white out all the stupid stuff I do from the time I confess “I believe” till the time I take my last breathe. 

I think life is too complicated.  Wait, I think people make life too complicated.  I get tired of watching the news, finding out about the most recent natural disaster, hearing about something someone said about Obama, tryna figure out how this new plan or law affects me, what box I fit into, what I’m doing with my life, which school I should be attending, what accolades and world domination I should be plotting, etc.  All I wanna do is eat ice cream, watch comedy & drama movies, go running & do a few races, go to work every now and then but still make the same salary, and do stuff I love to do like write, read, sing off key, look at art, and just be outside.  I should care and I do care but it gets to the point where all this complication dulls the shine of living.  I tell this lady from church all the time that I only wanna work as hard as all the six figure salary folks and take as much vacation/work-from-home days as they do.  I’m not in my 40s but does that mean I gotta still do grunt work just because I’m in my 20s and this is the time where you make your mark on corporate America?  I have a certain lifestyle I wanna live and it has nothing to do with possessions.  I wanna see the world and do what brings me happiness and I need a job that can support that.  I don’t need a nice apartment loaded with expensive things.  Whenever I look at cruise packages and it’s time to choose a room with or without a balcony I always say “I am not paying extra for a hole in my wall when I can go outside and sit for the cheaper price.”  I don’t plan to live life in my apartment.

Why am I running?  I started to lose weight I had put on although everyone said I was looking pretty dang ole good but when my “bigger” clothes started to get snug I began to freak.  What are my goals?  Run as long as I have legs.  But I do have something else in mind.  During high school, I ran all 4 yrs of Cross Country and 3 yrs of Track & Field.  In my bedroom, I hung every medal  &  ribbon I won whether it was for 27th place or 1st place….I hung it and I went to sleep and woke up knowing if not at anything else I was good at something and that was running.  I was proud of what I had bust my butt every day after school and on the weekends to accomplish.  One day, the mgmt company of our apartment building asked tenants to relocate down the street so they could repaint and do other stuff in time for some kinda city inspection thingy.  While we were at our temp housing, something in my heart made me feel instant grief and my mind went to my medals just randomly out of the blue.  When we returned to our apartment, the men who had worked in there stole every single ribbon and medal I’d ever won in high school including my ’98 City Championship Cross medal.  I cried.  My mom looked helpless because there was nothing she could do and the mgmt office had hired temp workers so finding was a needle in a haystack.  All I had left were plaques I’d received that I didn’t hang on my wall.  I promised myself I’d get my medals back.  I don’t know how many I had and I don’t need them to know I am a good runner but I want them back.  They won’t be the same and it’ll have a different meaning and I’ll never have my City Champ medal again but, out of 4 yrs, to not have a single medal from high school…..something is better than nothing.  I was angry to think these grown men looking to pawn anything to make a buck would steal my awards crushing a young athlete’s spirit but then I remembered that I still have my legs…all is not lost. I shall run till I get some medals back and I really wanna win a 5K race instead of my age group.

Profile pic: not sure why.  I just liked it.  Sometimes you don’t need a reason other than….”because” although I say that all the time to D.J.  I’d ask them a question and they’d say “because” and I’d say “because is not an answer” (it is an answer so then I changed it to “because is not an acceptable answer) so now when J asks me a question and I give the mama answer of “because” he fires back “because is not an answer”.  I wanna be mad but I laugh knowing where he gets it from.  They are gonna be someone’s major headache in a few yrs 🙂

October 2, 2009 Posted by | Life | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Monday Headache

headache_by_stuhIt’s been one of those days and I have about 1.5 hours to go.  I have account analysis work to do which is normally done by the endof the month but it won’t be done by the end of business today because I also have been taking support calls since our main Support guy is out on PTO today so, since Support is one of my job descriptions, I have to do both which is aggravating cause some people are just plain stupid.  I understand if you don’t get something over the phone…I can barely get anything over the phone either so I tell people to send me a screen shot of whatever the error msg is or what they see so I can at least go there and try to duplicate what the hell they are talking about.  Then I reply via email with clear and concise user friendly instructions on how to correct the situation and they don’t understand what I’m talking about.  But this all happens as soon as I get back into  my account analysis only to be pulled away by support calls and emails and, on top of that, someone needs a new password so I gotta stop and do that for about 3 minutes of my time here.   Great.  I am on my 2nd large cup of tea which the doctor told me to limit caffeine but, like I said earlier, it’s been one of those days….I’ll run it off tomorrow early morning so I should be cool. 

My landlord is selling the building or attempting to which doesn’t affect me but she has to show my apt every now and then which sucks for this weekend because I got the kids back and now my regular normal looking apt is a hot azz mess with 3 small suitcases full of clothes, underwear, shoes, and papers about I don’t know what.  I got home, charged my iPod, go dressed to run, spend a good hour running til I was dang near bored about to fall asleep mid-stride, got back home glad I had actually finished my run at conversational pace which means I can actually cover that distance in less time, ate, drank, and looked at the mess before me knowing these ppl are supposed to come see my apt tomorrow about 11am.  I cleaned the kids stuff up, put away what had to be enough clothes for 4 boys instead of 2, made a Salvation Army pile, cleaned their room up, picked up shoes & other crap on the floor, and fell asleep not caring anymore.  My apt looks the way it’s gonna look forever…lived in.  Not messy.  Just lived in.  It’s not a model apt dammit….people actually live here.  So, my landlord calls me while I’m at work, I return her call and leave my work #, she calls my work # but it doesn’t take her to voicemail for some reason, I call her back from work for her to tell me I called her private which is why she didn’t answer, I tell her my phone doesn’t have an automatic private setting so that’s impossible and it must be on her end, she says it’s on my end, and I’m thinking “bytch what the phuck do you want? get to the reason for the call!!”  She tells me the people came by and, hope I’m not mad but, she washed my dishes for me.  I was instantly ticked….then I got over it eventually and wondered if she’d bring her butt upstairs to wash my dishes for now on.  I swear…..mommy mode is not wassup!  I didn’t think about the freaking kitchen.  Oh well.  She washed my dishes.  Cleanin up behind me for strangers.  Whatever.

I came into work early Friday, early today, and I’m still behind on work but I’m sure my clients won’t mind too much esp since we got a new version of our software and….guess what….it ain’t working too well.  It’s Vista all over again.  My pet peeve, when ppl say “we haven’t had a new version of this software in yrs” so they go ahead and release one without adequate QA so now since it’s released to all the clients instead of a select few and we (employees) find errors whether big or small it seems unprofessional and sloppy.  I suggested more QA at our last “free lunch meeting” but…nope, they ignored it.  They said I got the most points for best ideas but actually listen to me?!  That’s absurd!  I think everyone should do as I say….EVERYONE!  But, it’s not my company….I just work here.  I have a 20% investment in the company stock….not sure how much that is until it’s time for payouts so based on that is how much I will eventually care.  Ya dig?

What else?  The guy I’m dating cried Saturday.  I saw him for a split second Saturday, I left to go stand on my corner (lol) and wait for my transportation (the bus) when I saw him walk outside.  I started playing Tetris on my phone when he walked up to me and said, “want me to take you home?”  I said, “yeah” and while walking to the car he asked if I was still mad at him….I said I was never mad.  We got in his car and he had this serious look on his face.  I ask him what’s wrong….he say’s “I’ll tell you in a second”…he leaves the parking lot and rounds the corner and, me being me, I say “it’s been a second”.  He is still quiet, then his eyes begin to water, I touch his arm and ask what’s wrong.  A tear falls from his eyes but this fool is still driving.  I tell him to pull over.  I then add some bass to my voice and tell him to pull over again…he does (must have been the bass I added).  He tells me his sister had just called when I walked in to tell him his childhood friend had gotten shot and killed the night before and he just needed to leave and clear his head.  I let him sit for a good 30 mins and reminisce about him and his friend growing up.  He told me story after story, he started to smile and then laugh, he forgot about crying although he was still sad, and he looked at me for the longest time when he got quiet.  You know how someone looks at you and you turn around thinking they are looking at someone behind you or they are looking right into your soul straight through your eyeballs so you look away uneasy?  I asked “what?!”  and he said “nothing”….he has done that before.  He looks like he wanna say something but he doesn’t so I just leave it alone.

August 31, 2009 Posted by | Life | , , , | Leave a comment

TGIF

OfficeSpaceMotivationQuick post before my fabulous weekend! I am still at work.  My manager has left for the day, my supervisor is somewhere in Switzerland visiting her husband’s family, and our IT dept of one has left early to get his Tiger Woods on.  What am I doing?  Sh*t!  Trying not to cuss as much whether in speech or words so I plan to make use of the asterisk button as often as needed until I fully weaned.  Anywho, I am bored out of my mind.  This entire week which consists of 40 hours I have probably did 20 hours of real work and that’s only because my supervisor is out of town so I have work to do.  Whaddyaknow!  She emailed me this morning to say it’s 4pm in Switzerland and asked how things were going.  I had a laundry list of stuff but only minor ones but I was sure I made it known she should take vacation more often because this week I earned at least half of my pay.  Still got paid for all 40 hours but man was it hard to keep my eyes open for the other 20.

After work I have a hot date with this sexy suede tan couch in my living room. I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it.  But, before that, I have to stop at CVS to scan these pics for a photo book I’m making my ex for Father’s Day.  Kinda late since Father’s Day is Sunday but late is better than never and this will be soooooo cute!  Pics of both boys from ugly hospital pics til now.  Awwwww!  After that I go to the burger joint down the street to get a greasy cheeseburger meal, fries, and pop for $3.  Then off to the grocery to get spaghetti and sauce to cook with my Italian sausage that is begging to coming from my freezer into my belly sometime this weekend.  Once done with that…..el couch and la movie night shall begin pronto. 

Saturday.  Man, a 3 hour meeting.  I kid you not.  On the southside.  I swear I should move out south.  Three hour meeting followed by grocery shopping for real instead of stopping every now and then to pick up random stuff.  Then I am assuming me and my sisters are taking our stepdad somewhere for dinner.  Not sure if it’s Saturday or Sunday.  As you can see, we have this thoroughly planned out.  When they say Dads get no love….it’s true!  He loves wine and making it so I was looking for a winery type gift for him but I swear he has done that already.  If I could fly him out to Martha’s Vineyard (is that right?) I would but I ain’t ballin like.  A couple more years of doing absolutely nothing at work but collecting a check and I should be able to swing it.  Or, he loves to bowl and is quite good at it so I was thinking a personalized bowling ball bag but, again, it’s Friday so that’s waaaaaay last minute.  Maybe next year.

Sunday.  Church upon church upon church.  Might be going to two different ones.  How exciting.  A friend mentioned how great it was that I go to church because I am around the Saints.  Hmm.  I am sure he was using the word “saints” very loosely although I’d prefer the New Orleans Saints instead.  Now that would be my kinda church!  Drew Brees.  Reggie Bush.  Those other guys.  A very nice congregation right there.

I start my boxing classes Tuesday.  She said in about six months I will be ready to spar.  Um, excuse me?  You mean actually fighting in the ring with another chick?  My co-worker told me my face is too cute for fighting.  I agree totally!  I guess.  Six months from now we shall see what happens and how much I have accomplished but first I need to learn the basics so I don’t get my azz handled to me.  I am so small that if you look too quickly you’ll miss me so who the hell am I gonna fight?!  Then the lady said I will be able to take some of their martial arts and self-defense classes so I can learn, amongst other things, how to get out of a choke hold.  Ok, I know I live in the Chi but what kinda situation do you anticipate me being in?!?!  A choke hold?  I just wanna burn off some calories and firm up my saggy azz abs!  This will be an interesting two months to say the least.

I was working from home yesterday so I went to get my hair and eyebrows done (yeah I know but I brought my laptop with me) when this guy pissed me off.  He does my eyebrows (no he’s not gay) and, when I first met him, my hair was pass my shoulders.  Long and boring just handing there doing nothing.  So, since I cut it to grow out certain parts that had broken off, he decided to comment on how I need to grow it out.  I stopped him right before he was about to get started on my eyebrow and asked “grow out what?”  He said my hair because I look better with long hair.  He is one of those guys who thinks all women should have long flowing hair down their backs down Gabrielle Union when her actual hair is shorter than mine.  I think a guy should have a big penis but I ain’t going around in a fit if he don’t.  I think he should not wear the same size jeans I do but I don’t anything to that either.  Ahhh, Chicago is saturated with stupid guys.  And that is it.  Didn’t feel like writing anything with substance because my big boobs are tender and I’m about to fall asleep at work.  Didn’t I say this was to be a quick post?  So I got out the shower this morning and stood in the mirror marveling at my boobs.  They were plump and nicely round.  I should be getting my period all the time.  Not actually get it….getting it.  HUGE difference!

June 19, 2009 Posted by | Me | , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Bible At Work

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 Work and religion are two things that should never ever mingle so I make every attempt to prevent that but, every so often, a situation arise where I am involved in a conversation with my supervisor at work during work hours.  One particular book I am reading is titled Fasting for Spiritual Breakthrough.  I read it on the train to work and, when I made it to the office, I casually laid it down on my desk off to the side and forgot about it.  This has happened before though….different book but same scenario in which things play out.  My supervisor comes over to ask me something work-related, she sees the book, asks about it out of curiosity, and this is the conversation that unfolded: she asked if I fast.  Of course not because I haven’t a complete idea of when I should or shouldn’t fast so voluntarily giving up food without due cause is a definite NO on my list!  I explained it was a required read for one of my church ministries.  Then, somehow, we end up talking about Revelations and the meanings behind it all.

I thought my supervisor was an atheist but she says she prays often esp in the morning on her way to work she will say the Lord’s Prayer (that made me smile) but she doesn’t know a lot about the Bible.  She was given a Bible by a co-worker of ours but has has yet to open and read it but, about Revelations, I can’t remember what prompted the convo but I know we were discussing the Anti-Christ and how she thought it was weird that those who believe and the hypocrites would ascend into Heaven on the day of judgement.  I raised my eyebrows because I wasn’t sure about that rendition of this story but I did promise to look into it (I haven’t done that yet as you can tell).  Also, I mentioned the pregnant lady about to give birth running from the dragon.  Whose baby is she carrying?  My supervisor said it was the Anti-Christ.  I argued that God and His angels would not protect the birth of the Anti-Christ.  She responded that it seemed like one of those situations where one must exist to fulfill a prophecy in some other part of the Bible since Revelations is supposed to touch on the past, present, and the events to come. 

Ok, I could see how that would make sense but I swear the unborn child was Jesus and the Bible said something about the Anti-Christ going after all those who followed Him and His descendants out of sheer anger that he could not kill him in womb.  Of course I paraphrase but yeah….every single conversation like this opens the door for discussion and a different point of view on things read in the Bible.  She and I admitted that it is hard to understand and grasp somethings religion claims because we think too much.  If I analyze everything then she is the Queen at it (and we get paid to this day in and day out) so we understand the uphill battle.  We apply logic and rational to some things that only faith can fill the gaps of.  I have no problem expressing my limited knowledge and I have no problem listening and being openminded to those with different view than my own.  Likeminded people, despite the fact that I am African-American and she is white and I am a good 10 yrs younger than she, should not be barriers in what we can and cannot discuss by way of faith and God.  Of course there should only be one point of view in all this….we are still searching through the confusion and translations for that….but we are getting somewhere so I rejoice in what we have right now!

February 8, 2009 Posted by | Spiritual | , , , , , | Leave a comment