32B's Blog

…where I write my words

Think Like A Man

getpageimageThis is the second time I have seen Steve Harvey on T.V. talking about his bestseller book, “Act like a lady – Think like a man“.  He was on Oprah the other day and on Tyra yesterday giving an overview of his book and helping some women in the audience (or calling in) with their questions about why men act like men.  I haven’t read the book but I know most men (and some women) think the book reveals information we always knew but some women choose to ignore or deny.  There were three things I saw from his appearance on Tyra that  I really liked:

Number One: When he met his girlfriend’s “guy” and the guy told Steve that him and Steve’s daughter were just kickin it.  So, Steve calls his daughter in to let her know that all this time she was being “kicked with” instead of dated like she thought.  Allegedly she ended the relationship the next day.  I don’t know how many times men have said, “I just wanna kick it” or “we can hang out” or “I need my freedom”.  But, right after that they say, “but we can have sex ya’ know” or “I’m here for you when you need me” or “having sex don’t mean you are a hoe”.  Yeah.  That obviously worked on someone in his recent past if he is still using it with such confidence.

Number Two: Every man needs to feel like he brings something to the table, to a woman’s life, and/or to a relationship.  If a woman has her own money, can take care of her home and kids, does not need him for anything other than companionship then a man will not feel needed.  For some reason, men need to be needed or they suffer from some male-ego-twisted-insecurity.  There are three P’s that a man must do to show or prove he loves you – profess, provide, and protect.  He will profess his love for you because most men are territorial and want their guys to know you are theirs in a sense.  If not, if he doesn’t sorta pee around his area then he ain’t that into you.  He will want to or feel a need to provide for you as his woman.  He will want to and will protect you as the man.  If he doesn’t do any of these three, according to the book, then he does not love you as he claims.  However, Steve did reiterate that the way a guy shows his love for a woman can be the exact opposite of how a woman shows her love for a man.

Number Three: Steve told us about his wife.  While they were dating, she knew Steve was simply “kickin it” with her and that his goals as far as a relationship did not align with his.  She had kids and a career and desired someone who could step into the man role in her life and become a step-father to her kids.  Anything else was not something she wanted.  She told Steve that she loved him still but she realized that what she wanted and what he wanted were two different things so it was time for her to move on.  She told him where she’d be and, if she was still available, he can reach out to her if he eventually got to that point in his life.  Fast forward….they were married a year later because he didn’t wanna lose her.  Steve did say men don’t take kindly to ultimatums but, in this situation, she was simply stating what he already knew and had made known to her….his goals did not align with hers.  Not a bad thing to point but it can be if you live in denial for years knowing he will never want a commitment.

I likely won’t buy the book or read it if someone gave it to me because….why should I?  I get tired of understanding men.  I get tired of the arguments when I attempt to.  I get tired of being blamed for something I did not or had not intended to do.  I get tired of my way of showing love being misinterpreted into hate and nothing else unless we wanna throw “selfish” in there or “assuming”.  Or, how about my favorite….let’s wait for the stars to shine green in the night sky, for the sun to radiate cold instead of heat, for the sea creatures to live on land, and for the birds to live underwater….then that is a CLEAR sign that a guy should remove his tail from between his legs and use his balls for something other than storing his useless swimmy friends.  Unless someone writes an instruction manual then I don’t care what men think or how they think because, right now, I doubt most of them think at all.  Maybe I should write a book about crap we already know like, “Death comes to us all”….really? And here I am thinking we were all immortal!  Whaddya know!

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March 25, 2009 Posted by | Love, Men | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

New Age Dating

It’s 2009 and things have officially shifted a bit as far as relationships go.  Men are crying more now.  Getting in touch with their feminine side and doing so in front of their significant other.  Men actually have feelings and are revealing that they too have been hurt or are still hurt from past relationships.  Men are falling in love and actually telling their guys that they are in love with her over there.  Men are doing what I never thought or expected them to do….they are acting like women.  Women were always the emotional ones.  The heart-on-their-sleeve ones.  The but-I-love-him ones.  Now, the tables have either turned, men are starting to break inside from the hard exterior and fascade they put up, or women are more accepting and welcoming of a man who shows his feelings. 

42-17711463In an argument I had with a guy, he stated that he has feelings too.  That he was hurt as well as I and ask if it ever occurred to me that there are two people involved in this.  Actually….no.  I knew you were there but I never knew we’d be feeling and expressing the same emotions at the same time.  It kinda caught me off guard but it was refreshing as well.  It’s like seeing Superman bleed when you always thought he was made of steel.  You are surprised, then worried, then confused, and then you see him as human just like you.  I never had a problem with a guy showing emotions but, dammit, this is when I can shed my tears and get some sympathy!  If we are both ranting and raving then what the hell?!  So, seeing and hearing him vent made me sit in silence and listen.  I listened because this really had my undivided attention and I wanted to hear what this new aged man had to say.

I always knew I could hurt and that hurt could result in pain but I never thought men hurt as well.  I knew they did but, at the same time, I thought they didn’t.  It’s like that whole if-a-tree-falls-in-a-forest-and-no-one-hears-it question.  Does it really happen if you never see or hear about it?  Interesting.  This leads me to my topic for today….this new aged man has begun a new aged trend….women dating men.  Women asking men out for dates more than before.  Women paying for dates.  Women setting aside a day for him to dote on and cater to him.  Women leaving him notes to let him know she is thinking about him.  Women pursuing him.  Totally, in my opinion, goes against the whole “a man that findeth a wife finds a good thing”.  How does he find her if she was busy making sure he saw her by positioning herself in his line of vision where he had little choice but to at least acknowledge her?

It draws a very thin line and threatens to uproot the essence of what makes a man.  Does being a man mean you must be the one asking for the date?  Paying the date?  Making sure she has every need and desire taken care of?  If not, then who is the head of the household now?  Does not the man take care of the overall running of the house?  How can he do so if, while dating, the woman took a dominate role?  Will the man step back into the shadows and hand over this authority God gave him?  Now, I have never taken a guy out on a date.  Never.  I don’t remember paying for anything unless it was a guy friend for his birthday….then, it was my treat.  Just tending to a guy for no reason other than just because is…new.  

As a woman, I like being pursued or chased…it makes me feel admired and/or wanted whether I actually want him back or not it doesn’t matter.  Is it time for women to return the favor?  Time we show our men appreciation?  What if you don’t have a man?  What then?  My reservation is that a man will accept you taking him out, spending your hard earned money on them in an effort to pursue him when, in the end, they aren’t interested.  How do guys do this all the time?!  Rejection is something I am not prepared for.  Everyone has their own opinions on this and I am sure men will applaud women stepping in their shoes and doing some legwork to get their attention but I guess it begs to reiterate something I read recently: to get something you have never had you must do something you have never done.  Is he really worth it? 

To jump over the fence and mingle with the guys for a moment, I have heard and read that most of our African American men tend to favor women of other races because they know how to take care of their men.  Most (I said most) African American women refuse to do anything close to what other women do until she has something solid in place like a label of a relationship and/or a ring (insert Beyonce’s song here).  I see both sides and I agree with both sides knowing that neither side will completely agree with the other and give up their stance but hope that either side will learn to compromise somewhat on their expectations.  Most women aren’t willing to give up so much for the notion that “he might one day” and most men aren’t willing to go without with the notion that “she will one day”.  Stop being selfish.  Quit being skeptical.  Cease the fear.  Open the lines of communication and kill the lies!  The only game I wanna play with you is Monopoly and even then your azz better pay up if you even THINK of landing on my Boardwalk!

March 18, 2009 Posted by | Love, Men | , , , | Leave a comment

Kick Ass Women of God

wanted-jolie-poster1One of my female friends, Tasha, was discussing women of the Bible with a guy she is dating whom she claims is “spiritual” because he knows all this stuff about the Bible, writes notes about different topics on Facebook, knows what various scriptures in the Bible mean, as well as different characters of the Bible.   Tasha has no interest in the Bible at all because she finds it difficult to understand amongst other things.   Well, one topic that Tasha was discussing with her guy friend was a woman’s place according to the Bible … I already knew his response because I know him. 

He feels that the woman should be a helpmate to the man but his interpretation of the word “helpmate” is slave … servant … called to be of duty to the man … speak when spoken to … you get where I’m going with this?  Obviously this caused a debate between the two of them resulting in her coming to me to vent.  Her problem is the way women in the Bible are portrayed.  None of them are “kick ass” women … those were her exact words too.  They were all powerful as long as there was a man there or they were mentioned for their humble spirit, servant ways, waiting on a man, or following a man’s orders … no woman seemed to take control of her life and situation by her own will without needing the express content of whatever man “owned” her at the time.  No woman was mentioned that stood up for herself.  Even the ones who did get honorable mention did so because they had won the favor of some man … i.e. Ruth and Rachel.   Or because they gave birth to a child … Mary.   Or obediently spoke out against something they disliked … Esther.

Why does getting a man define most Biblical women?  Most modern women cannot relate because they simply cannot see how being of service to someone and finally getting a man makes your entire life meaningful all of a sudden.  I didn’t say anything but I did try to name some women who I thought were admirable only for her to shoot them down because she was comparing them to our idea of “kick ass”.  Modern day “kick ass” for women is not having to depend on a man.  If you have one, great! If not, then the show must go on.  If you have one you still control and determine your own course of action but it is in no way dependent on what he will or will not allow you to do as his wife.   A partnership.

Looking through my study Bible about the many strong women noted, majority of them are called out for their obedience, humility, and wise thinking where they are rewarded by being taken as someone’s wife as a result of their courageous acts.  If already married, they react after asking permission from their husbands.  Kick ass women don’t ask for permission … they take it.  Kick ass women don’t wait for you to react … they do things themselves.  Kick ass women aren’t strong because of their men … they are strong in the absence or presence of their men. 

Humility, obedience, wit, judgement, integrity are all very great traits to have which may determine if you yourself is a “kick ass” woman but I guess the way you go about it makes all the difference.  Do we need to tote around a gun?  A sword?  Fight?  Belittle and weaken someone?  Does that make you a “kick ass” woman or does that make you a weak ass woman?  Strength is best shown under control which reminds me of meekness.  It does not mean you cannot but it does mean you will not. 

Yes, I would have loved to see some women used in place of Moses, David, or Noah … even Paul or some of the disciples.  I do not like that women seemed to have taken a backseat and played the well-behaved little wives they were supposed to be.  But, in today’s world, kick ass should be redefined to include those women behind the scene, those who support, those women who encourage, those women who pray, those women who display kick assness (new word) in a modern way not obvious to those around them.  Those around us are not who we should please … it should be God.  And it requires more strength to exhibit humility and obedience than it does to display defiance and arrogance. 

How attractive is it to calm the flame instead of igniting it.  How mature is it to compromise than to win by any means neccesary.  How honorable is it to display Christ-like traits than worldly traits.  We all know the easy road is the one frequently traveled …

Exodus 23:2a “Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong”

Redefine you and discover who God says a “kick ass” woman is.

January 19, 2009 Posted by | Spiritual | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment