32B's Blog

…where I write my words

Independence Weekend

One busy weekend!  I had Friday off from work since my supervisor has Tues/Wed/Thurs off and we can’t both be out for the same days since our magnificent department of two needs at least one of us.  So, I took Friday off for the holiday and he took the remaining week off since I had no out-of-Chicago plans like he did.  Unlike most of my co-workers, I love coming to work during the summer and prefer to use my PTO hours during the winter months when it’s negative degrees outside and feet of snow – it’s then that I don’t want to leave the house.  Friday I really did nothing but sleep, eat, watch movies/TV, and do more nothing. 

Saturday, my mom bbq’d for the holiday so I had that planned but I woke up that morning and saw a yard sell across the street from my house.  The lady was having a yard sale for a community organization that works with geriatric dogs (I have no clue).  I love yard sales, thrift stores, garage sales – any place where I can buy something awesome for almost nothing.  I bought a tower oscillating fan for $5 (brand new), I bought a set of heated rollers that I’m not even sure are made for black women for $4 (brand new), I bought a 18 quart roaster with buffet trays for side dishes for this amazing Thanksgiving meal I need to learn how to cook asap for $10 (brand new), I bought a queen airbed with rechargeable pump for out-of-town friends who wanna take the Chicago public transportation with me to totally kick azz places for $5 (brand new), I bought a pair of brand new size 5 dark wash jeans with the tags still on them for $2, and 3 shirts & a lunch dish for transporting food to and from.  Overall, I racked up and was uber excited!!  I was $7 short so Mr. D came by to give me the money (he was enabling my addiction) and we went to the shop to await my sister.  Hours later, I bring Mr. D by my mom’s house to meet my parents (and to get a plate of food to take back to work with him).  Yep, I did it.  Kinda regretted it later because I had these “what if we break up now?” thoughts but it was cool.  After 2 days that feeling went away & I ate enough to gain 2 lbs this weekend – so not cool!!!

My brother hit his girlfriend.  Not sure how I feel about that other than I do not condone it and I would have called the police on my own child.  People ask what if it was one of my 2 boys.  Same deal.  I’m not the mom who babies her little boys.  I discipline them and sometimes harshly so they know I mean business but I still love them hard.  My mom & step father cuss my brother out but his defense was, “she hit me first”.  My mom said he should never put his hands on a female to which my brother responded, “not if she hit first”.  Of course I remember how he felt when my sister was hit by her boyfriend.  For some reason, most men treat other women as if they did not grow up in a house full of them.  I am greatly disappointed and, even now, I am at a loss for words.  If his girlfriend stays then she is stupid – as we all are at that young age when you think this dipsh*t is the love of your life.  So, I do not expect much from her.  From him, I expect mountains.  This all happened Saturday.  Sunday, my sister & mom & I went to the Caribbean Fest.  I spent money on 100% shea butter, body oils, and a dress you can tie to wear in about 3 different ways and it’s reversible! 

Monday was the grand opening of my sister’s boyfriend’s fitness studio.  He is a personal trainer so we went to help him celebrate (in workout clothes).  I ran Friday so I did 3 miles Monday morning knowing I’d be working out later so it would technically qualify as a “hard day” on my schedule.  Well, I did his Boot Camp, did some cardio boxing, and did a 6 pack ab attack class.  All in the same day.  Right now, I am sore in several places.  I am walking like I am pregnant and my abs hurt.  In general, it was a good workout and I might take the cardio boxing while the kids are away.  My jab completely sucks because I can’t “snap” it like he instructed & I lack power in that arm.  My cross-over is totally sweet and packing power.  And, my hook is a close 2nd for the best punch ever.  All in all, Monday literally kicked my butt and left me sore.  I went to see Eclipse later that day.  Yes, I have joined the frenzy!  Team Edward!!!! lol  Anywho, 2 more weeks til my Xtreme Glen 10 mile run.  More mile repeats Thursday morning.  Long run Sunday morning.  I will definitely finish the race – I just hope I leave with a medal to show for it.  It’s the little things in life … one of them self-infliction.

July 6, 2010 Posted by | Life | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dramatic Weekend

This weekend was pretty tiresome.  I think I got the most sleep last night than I did all weekend long.  My sister picked up my boys for a night since they were leaving for the summer (not really the entire summer) Thursday which was a busy day cause I had work all day plus am impromptu doctor’s appt for my son and a prescription list amounting to $200 before insurance.  I was trying to get his appt in time for his leaving plus his antibiotics (yeah, it’s kinda bad) so he can be squared away.  Got them in the car with my sis and I went home to sit and do absolutely nothing.  Friday I went to work and made plans to chill with Mr. D – nothing really but sit there and not sit at home doing laundry, cleaning, washing dishes, etc.  We ended up going out to eat at this new place I found on Yelp.com, ordered Kobe (not named after the Lakers bball star) burgers with this amazing sauce, and the best seasoned fries.  We sat there eating, watching random stuff on the big TV monitors, people watched, talking about everything under the sun, and decided where to go next.  I wanted to see Karate Kid (yeah, so not romantic) but at 2 hr 20 mins after a long work day that was outta the running.  Instead, we went to this bar some of his family frequents.  Nice hole-in-the-wall bar with black folks but the drinks were STRONG!  The bartender (who looked like someone’s grandma) filled my glass with pure alcohol and put enough soda and juice to change the color only.  The most potent Long Island Iced Tea ever.

Mr. D drank his down a bit and we traded so the grandma bartender could put more soda in it for me.  She gave me this look that said “liteweight” but ain’t no shame in my drinking game.  I am a proud liteweight dammit! 🙂  It was still too strong so I just sipped it to have something to do.  We ran into a guy cousin I’d already met, I met a sister of another guy cousin, and I met the cousin whose birthday was that night.  I also ran into 2 people from my highschool.  I couldn’t remember their names and they couldn’t remember mine…we hug’d it out and the guy said “you ran track, right”….did I not do anything else in high school?  No clubs?  Class president?  School paper?  No one remembers me for anything but running.  Best compliment ever because I seriously did nothing else lol.  Long story seriously short, I didn’t make it to sleep until about 3am.  The next day I woke up to pick up my rental, finish packin the kids’ stuff, loaded the car up, picked up my kids & nephew so he could come along, and made my trek to Indianapolis totally forgetting about the time difference so I was running late.  Birthday party – awesome!  Kid sleepover – negative!  My friend’s mom was watching the kids for the sleepover which is not what I was told earlier that week so I politely told my friend I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my kids with her mom and I didn’t want to burden her mom anyways.  Both were kinda offended but I couldn’t begin to care less.  My youngest fell holding his plate of cake & ice cream.  My friend’s mom dang then ran me over to wipe the stain from her expensive azz rug.  Why have a kids’ birthday when they can’t do what kids do…spill crap everywhere?  Rich people don’t bother me.  It’s rich snotty people who freak the phuck out when you touch, breathe on, or even look too hard to the expensive crap in their house. 

Anywho, I ended up dropping kids off and making my way back to Chicago since my plans to stay the night were cancelled because I didn’t want my friend’s mom to watch my kids and my friend instead went out with her boyfriend and told me they had no idea where they were going or for how long they would be gone.  Mr. D was kinda pissed about the situation and asked me to get a hotel and stay the night instead of driving on little sleep but I wanted to go home.  On top of that, outside my ex’s apt I was eaten alive by mosquitos.  I was slapping my legs, arms, chest, face wondering why I was being attacked wearing a denim skirt and tank.  I got in the car and scream (literally) from the urge to scratch the million of places that itched but I tried to fight the urge since the little black spots they leave behind aren’t cute.  Instead of scratching….I screamed.  Windows rolled up I screamed and hit the steering wheel in agony.  Pissed, irritated, covered in mosquito bites, hungry, sleepy, 3 hours from home, and my cell phone with maybe half a battery…I wasn’t in a good mood.  Thankfully, Mr. D stayed on the phone with me the entire time (nephew in back seat asleep) to make sure I got home safe.  I made it into the actual city about 1am at which we said our good nights and I promised to call when I made it inside my apt.  I did so at about 130am.  No longer itchy, partly hungry after stopping at McD’s for food and gas next door, cell phone still with a little juice, but still tired and highly pissed.  Mr. D said I have balls of steel.  No balls (trust me, I checked) but made of steel?  I’d like to think so sometimes.

Next day, I overslept, raced out the door to take my nephew home, drop my rental car off, and get back home to lay down.  I couldn’t sleep because I was missing my boys knowing I hadn’t actually said “good-bye” to them because I was wearing my Bitch Hat last night and I had already yelled at them so I didn’t wanna make it worse.  I kinda regret the way I left them but I pray they didn’t notice.  They had their dad, a bag of snacks from their grandma, games, bags of candy from the birthday party, and no school for weeks.  This was Father’s Day and I planned to take my step father to Olive Garden.  I don’t do Olive Garden only because I’m not a pasta person and I’d prefer a steakhouse than Italian anything.  But, it was me, my step father, and my mom.  Details aside, it was a good Father’s Day.  He loves wine but I don’t like the reds he drinks & he don’t like the white fruity ones I drink.  Since I was paying, he let me order Moscato which was really good here.  My mom don’t drink wine so she was looking at us like we were alcoholics.  We finished that bottle after 4 measly glasses.  I went home and finished watching She’s Out of My League.  Hilarious movie!  I fell asleep sometime after I started watching Date Night and was out for the count.  And that was my long weekend.  Probably one friend short until she stop being pissed at me but I didn’t wanna lie.  I had this nagging feeling from day one around her mom.  I ignored it those times because it was me but, with my kids left there, I had to decide.  Friend or not, I will not lie to protect your feelings.  I don’t like your mom.  Point blank.

June 21, 2010 Posted by | Life | , , , | Leave a comment

My loooong weekend….

A lot of things happened this weekend.  This weekend was my sorority chapter’s reunion anniversary.  Soror T was supposed to drive up Friday night, sleep at my apt, and then we were to drive down to Purdue the next morning.  Well, Soror T packed more into her Friday than she should have so she fell asleep on her couch instead of getting on her way to Chicago.  At 5am, I called which woke her up so she grabbed her bags, jumped into the car, and made it to Chicago at about 7:45am.  She hadn’t showered, brushed her teeth, washed her face, etc in a hurry to make the events on time and pick me up.  When we finally got there, I was excited to see sorors and chit chat until everything started because obviously everyone was on CP (colored people) time!  Well, the hotel was in my name but soror T wanted to go wash up, however, I wasn’t tryna leave.  So, I transferred the hotel into her name under her credit card so she could go wash her butt and meet us back on campus.  We walked around campus while everyone was trying to remembering where they used to have class, what building used to be here, and how they used to love that building over there.  We made it to the BCC (Black Cultural Center) for a formal tour when Soror T asked where we were.  She said she was going to Wal-Mart…..ok.  Fast forward, we all branch off to check-in our hotels, shop for Purdue or ZPB stuff and grab lunch before dinner.  Soror T calls talking about she didn’t plan to sit in the hotel room all day.  Um, who you getting an attitude with?!  No one told you to sit in the hotel.  Then she said no one called her cause she needed to eat too.  At this point I felt like I had a grown baby on my hands.  She makes her way back to campus right when everyone was going to the hotel so she made a U-turn. 

Soror T used her credit card for the hotel which still a hold on it from last week when she thought she’d lost her wallet.  Since the card was declined, she had to use cash.  No big deal to someone else but this chick is always broke!  I had to hear her complain about not knowing how she was gonna get home, how she didn’t have money for tolls, and how she was wasting gas driving around.  Last homecoming she came with no money and complained the entire time.  Last summer to went to FL and she complained the whole time about not having money so I couldn’t go to this museum because I wasn’t gonna pay for her to get in too.  I have a budget too!  This is the last time I travel anywhere with her.  She’s a cool person but your poor financial situation or money skills should not be someone’s else problem.  Then, we went to the bars that night after the ball and she was buying drinks looking at us like we were crazy.  I thought you were broke.  Then my ex shows up looking GQ (everyone felt the need to tell me this) and walked past me in the hallway interrupting my phone conversation (I guess my cell phone was invisible) just to ask if I had found someone to watch the kids.  What difference does it make?!  You can’t help me anyways so don’t worry about it.  Asshole!  Sometime Saturday I injured my shoulder possibly straining it so all day I was having sharp pains near my left shoulder blade that radiated down my left arm.  I wore an Icy/Hot patch (forgoing fashion here) hoping it would ease the pain but I think it made it worse so I went to the hospital for x-rays (pointless), Valium to relax the muscle, and a pain-killer shot.  By the time I left, I was drowsy and ready to sleep still wearing my dress w/a white flower in my hair.  Soror C was in the room with me so when the nurse told me to undress from the waist up, she had to help me take off my sweater I was wearing over my dress, unbutton and slide down the left side for me, and unbutton my bra.  I felt helpless and didn’t wanna move my arm out of fear of that pain.

There were a lot of moments which irritated me this weekend but it was the usual women-getting-together-to-do-anything moment so it was excusable.  What took the cake was my sister who asked me for $180.  Something told me not to give it to her whether Mr. D volunteered it or not.  He did give me the money but I only gave her $50 of it and gave the rest back to him.  She watched my kids all weekend and texted me asking if she could drop them off at another sister’s apt so she could do homework.  Whatever.  You knew you had homework all weekend so why procrastinate this time?  Then I asked if she’d taken them to see Alice in Wonderland (her idea)….she said “no”.  I asked for the money back which I gave her to take my kids to the movie….she had the nerve to ask if I really wanted it back.  Is it not my money?  Did you ever plan on taking the kids to the movies?  Or did you lie to get extra money from me?  Whatever the case, I wanted my money back which she gave my oldest…she was $2 short but I let it go.  That evening she text me saying I am inconsiderate and how she won’t be doing me any more favors (babysitting).  She said I showed my true colors today (we’re sisters….how could you NOT know how I am) and will get the kids when she wants to get them.  I replied asking her how I had been inconsiderate.  She said, “if you don’t know then it’s not meant for you to know”….dumb response which shows her level of intellect so I left it alone.  Then she told me to pay someone else who is not family to baby-sit cause she ain’t helping me out anymore and Ma always said I was selfish.

Ok, so I ask my sisters all the time to watch my kids because a)I know them b)they are family and c)usually they are free or cheap compared to strangers who baby-sit for income.  One sister told me I only call when I want her to baby-sit which I dnt see the problem if I pay you for it….what’s up with the complaining?!  My mama calling me selfish can go various ways.  She asked me to buy her a car since my credit is better, she used some of my money from a lawsuit to go shopping so now she’s bankrupt, she has this list of expensive things she wants for Mother’s Day/her birthday/Christmas but buy me cheap shyt she find in an Avon book, and she tried to intercept my 2nd check from the lawsuit by calling the office, pretending to be me by giving them my SS#, and had the check set-up to be mailed to her house instead.  When I called and found this out, the attorney who was over the case told me to set-up a password so this doesn’t happen again and my mom was pissed about it.  I told my uncle (her brother) about it and he said that’s “blood money” so if my sister hadn’t die I wouldn’t have it as if I asked for the money.  As if I traded my sister’s life for $68,000 (total amount for all 3 pymts).  As if I was the one trying to steal from my own child.  That was the last time I spoke to him because, being the only sane one in this family, they have a way of making me feel like I’m abnormal & greedy too.  So, my sister saying my mom always said I was selfish was hilarious!  I’m only selfish if I don’t give them (or her) what she wants.  As far as doing me a favor, I dnt need them to baby-sit….I was just trying to save money and use family because I thought that’s one of the things family do….help each other out.

When I first moved back to Chicago, I was in a bad financial situation.  I was trying to hold onto my job, continue my car pymts, pay rent, groceries, and almost $300/week for childcare out in the northern suburbs of Chicago.  No one offered to help me!  I had my ex keep my youngest til I got my situation under control but I never made it home in time for the 6pm closing of the various daycare centers (traffic and snow) so my oldest was kicked out.  Last minute with no back-up and couldn’t afford to lose my job, I left my son at home alone when the school bus dropped him off after school.  I think I did that for 2 weeks max before I was found out and Child Protective Services were called in.  My pastor at the time reassured them the church will help me so there was no need for the state to take my kids away from me.  I couldn’t say anything but cry.  Everyone at the church asked if my mom could help and I told him “no” but they wanted me to ask anyways….so I did.  My mom, the unselfish one, told me she’ll only help me out if I signed over my parental rights to my son which means she wanted to bank off her grandson and file him on her taxes and all that good stuff.  I told her “no” and shook my head at the idea that folks think my family is the least bit caring.  Inconsiderate?  Selfish?  Bad mom?  I have been the latter of the three but never the first two and it’s all because I don’t just hand over money to people who think they deserve it.  No one helped me through school, paid my bills or tuition, no one helped me move much less find a job to move for, and no one has helped me since then.  I did cry when my sister told me this because I’ve been trying hard to prove I am anything but those things but they only want to see what they want.  To get mad at me for asking for my change back is ridiculous and to think it’s my responsibility to financially support any of them is absurd esp when you talk about me behind my back.  Who needs enemies?

On a happier note, I applied for a Director of Financial Student Services maybe a week ago and received an email asking me to come in for an interview.  I emailed her back and called her number included in the email.  Also, I was job searching on Monster when I saw an open Treasury Analyst I position at the same company I was did co-training for.  I applied via Monster and I emailed the Treasury Analyst IV who was in the training asking her to forward my resume directly to the manager (her boss) of the Treasury Dept.  She said “absolutely” and how it’s not bad to need to expand your horizons.  The Director position is a tad bit over my head as far as the management experience (I have none) but I meet the qualifications as far as finance goes.  The position calls for managing folks within the Financial Aid dept so maybe they think I can learn how to manage folks…I dnt know.  The Director position is far into the ‘burbs so I’d definitely need to get a car but the pay is$70-80k so we shall see.  Still going to apply elsewhere too.  The Treasury Analyst position is the one I really want although I’m sure the salary is no were near $70k but I really would prefer that job over the Director one lol I must be crazy, huh?  That is it.  I go back to work Wednesday so I need to rest up some more and suck down some more pain killers and just forget about family….you can’t make everyone like you.

April 19, 2010 Posted by | Life | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hola Amigos! Como Estas?

Don’t have anything to write about so I’ll write about my weekend.  I dropped the kids off at Tasha’s house cause it was her’s son 5th birthday so she was having a sleep over again.  Dropped them off Friday night after my company luncheon.  Company luncheon was really nice!  We had lunch at this place in Lake Forest, IL which is probably the richest suburb in IL as far as home prices goes.  There were 3 options for us to order: filet mignon, salmon benton, and turkey pot pie.  I have tried the other 2 and didn’t like them so I played it safe with the turkey pot pie, salad, and wine.  I had no intentions on getting wine but the guy walked around and asked each of us so I went ahead and tried it….again.  I got the white wine.  It was ok.  Not nasty but not something I’m used to.  Salad was ok.  I’m a meat eater so I love anything w/meat including salads which this one did not have so it was like eating grass.  They did put cranberries in it so those were good.  Pot pie was great!  It was a turkey creamy soup with a flaky buttery crusty biscuit thingy (don’t I sound high class? lol) in the middle.  It had mushrooms which I didn’t like so I picked those out.  Other than that, the food was awesome.  The company gave us all a Jenga-type games with the company logo printed on the box so it’s not actually jenga lol.  Before leaving, I gave the CEO a hug and the chairman a hug.  Probably not professional but I don’t do handshakes….too formal for me.  I hugged the CEO (lady) like she was my mom and the Chairman (guy) like he was my granddad.  Yeah, I failed the corporate etiquette test.  Friday night I went home, my part-time boo dropped off movies for me that I haven’t seen already, and some Garrett’s popcorn.  Man, that popcorn is goooooood!

Saturday, since he’s been working a lot, he brought over breakfast and we actually sat and ate together.  He stayed over for about an hour after before leaving to go to work promising to focus more on QT (quality time) from now on.  I finished my laundry, cleaned up, and did nothing for a while before I got ready to go ice skating w/friends.  My part-time boo picked me up to take me to the train and I took the train straight downtown to Millenium Park.  I got there and realized the line was wrapped around the rink just to rent skates!  They were already there so I didn’t have to wait long but it was still about 40 mins.  We got the skates and….long story short…..I didn’t fall!  I was skating like an elderly woman using a walker but I skated solo and held my head high.  We stay from about 7p to 9p.  There were 7 of us total: me, my friend & her husband, and 4 of their friends one I had gone out with before.  I was the token black person I guess but I didn’t feel left out until they would talk amongst themselves in Spanish and my friend had to say “what she just said was….” I just took the moment to practice my Spanish which isn’t as bad as I thought once I remembered the words it was mostly pronouncing them correctly.  I learned how to say cupcake, little cupcake, “how do you say _____ in Spanish”, donut, and other oh so important things that I need to survive lol.  After skating and giving my thighs a work out, we went to Cafe Iberico which is a very well known Spanish restaurant.  Anything with pollo (chicken) is what I was interested in although I tried everything except the mushrooms and garlic shrimp.  I don’t do shrimp.  The food was good although I was mostly tasting everything.  My favorite was Pincho de Pollo which is chicken on skews with Spanish rice & carmelized onions.  Safe. I loved the Sangria!  I had 3 glasses of the red wine and half a glass of the white wine.  I took a cab home and laid down before I realized I was on my way to Drunkville.  The best wine experience I’ve had thus far…so good I left my scarf at the restaurant 😦

Sunday, I woke up against all excuses for me to sleep in all because I had a hair appt.  On my way there, I entertained the idea of going to church since I was already out, it was kinda warm outside, and I was kid-free.  I didn’t actually decide to go until I left from my appt so it was a last minute decision and I came exactly as I was dressed…..skinny jeans with a long purple shirt and furry snow boots.  I sat, I listened, I enjoy, I paid, and I left.  All I had on me was $5 so I gave what I had.  I thought I had my checkbook with me but it was my old one which didn’t have any checks remaining so $5 was gonna have to do for this day.  Afterwards, I jumped on the train to get the kids and went to mi casa.  I sat down and actually watched 2 of the movies he gave me: 2012 & Law Abiding Citizen.  I loved both although 2012 had me thinking waaaaaay too much!  I finished the last of my popcorn and that was all she wrote for the weekend.

Final thoughts: my weekend was freakin awesome and I had fun.  I experienced some good Spanish food with good friends had good wine and I had a good time with fellow psychos who volunteer to wait in line a good hour just to skate outside in the cold under a beautiful Chicago skyline.  This weekend?  I have tickets to see Boney James (jazz musician) w/my part-time boo on Friday night and nothing planned for Saturday other than maybe buying a last minute gift for Christmas.  One sis is watching the kids Friday night and another is taking them to see Princess & the Frog on Saturday so I have a semi free weekend again.  I ran today!  3 mile run (not race) in 26 minutes so I think I am maintaining my fitness level well getting in 1 run a week due to the weather.  Umm, I think that’s it.  This chica is signing off.  Maybe I’ll have something else to write about manana.  Buenas noches!!

December 14, 2009 Posted by | Life | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Solo Weekend & Ramblings

buckinghamfountain_chicagoThis has probably been the most peaceful weekend I’ve had in a while and I spent it totally solo.  Saturday morning I woke up to my phone vibrating under my pillow….prayer line.  I grabbed my Bible, Fruit of the Spirit book, and mumbled “good morning” into the phone.  I then spent a few hours doing something around the house but I can’t remember what “something” is so we’ll bypass that part.  I had an appt at Apple at 2pm but I didn’t leave the house and make it to Apple til about 230pm so I rescheduled for the next available time they had which was 540pm….a good three hours later.  So, I walked down the street to the movie theatre to see a movie called Spread with Ashton Kutcher & Anne Heche.  Didn’t know too much about the movie other than it was R rated which is always my kinda movie and it was starting in 5 minutes so I just bought the ticket and grabbed a drink and sat my butt down to burn some hours.  Well, the movie was interestingly good.  This is my second time going to the movies solo and I think I’m getting used to it which is probably a good and a bad thing.  Went back to Apple, they replaced my charging dock thingy free of charge since it was still under warranty, and the guy even looked up Garrett popcorn for me since I had no clue where the nearest one was.  I feel like a tourist sometimes but whatever.  I found it, got my popcorn, stopped by Subway for a $5 footlong, hopped back on the redline train, and went home.  I sat down and ate half my footlong and watched half of the movie “I Love You Man” before I fell asleep on it.

This morning, I woke up and started to mentally pick out something to wear to church but then I rolled over and went back to sleep for another hour.  Woke back up, went to pee, checked my phone, sent some txt msgs, made a couple phone calls, and realized I was in the most laziest mood ever.  Then….my period started.  I expected it but I still act all surprised when it shows up right on schedule.  I hate the first period day because it’s heavy as hell and I feel like putting on a triple layer sanitary pad with two tampons.  The joys of being a woman.  That said, I sat my bleeding butt down, decided to make it a movie day, grabbed my scarf to finally finish knitting, my last half sub, and my Garrett popcorn from the day before.  I know I’m a girl but I swear I’m like a bachelor at heart.  I had everything within arms reach…remote, food, cell, and knitting so all I had to get up for was to check or change my pad.  TMI….I know.  Movies I watched in one day (some bootlegs): I love You Man, Hangover, Yes Man, How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and then Notebook.  Yep, started off with the comedies and ended up with the love stories.  I went outside once to go to the corner store and get a 2 liter of pop and was about to get some fruities when I saw a big 5 cent sign on the jar.  I thought penny candy was supposed to be a penny!  5 cents for one fruity?!  That’s such a rip off!  I went back home, finished my scarf, and that was my day.  I spent time downtown solo, saw a movie solo, grab something to eat solo, watched movies all day solo, and had fun solo.  I should do this more often. 

In other news, my mom texted me to ask if I can take my sister’s test for her.  My sister completed classes for her Medical Assisting degree but now has to study for and pass the Medical Assisting exam to receive her certification.  I rolled my eyes and laughed when I read that txt asking me to take her test for her.  Seriously?!  When I was in high school, my mom was completing her A.S. in something related to childcare or education at one of the community colleges here.  I remember taking one of her math exams for her.  I can’t remember how old I was but I surely remember taking it thinking, “this is basic ass math. Are you serious?”  Whatever.  As usual, I didn’t respond to the text.  Then my ex calls, leaves a msg, I check it later and realize it’s D.J. on the voicemail making me smile with their cute lil voices saying “I love you mommy. I hope you’re having fun in Chicago. I miss you.  Talk to you later”.  Then, the next day, my ex texts me from his AIM alias which means his cell is turned off or about to be.  He asks what time is he dropping the kids off today and I broke the news to him that today was a never but Sept 5th was right on target.  He was pissed but I didn’t care.  I told him he shoudn’t have quit his job and he talked his way around that statement and tried to pour the ‘I’m a helpless dad who can’t function with the kids’ crap but it didn’t work this time.  I have 3 more weeks til mommy is back on full time duty.  I’m dating this guy. We have known each other for about 2 yrs so it’s not like I don’t already know him but we began dating recently and are now dating exclusively.  Exclusively?  Is that a glorified relationship without saying it is?  Now I feel like I have to do something.  Like, before, we were cool so I’d see him when I see him or call him when I felt the need to but now I feel like there’s a list of expectations that comes along with”dating” esp when you slap that exclusive label on it.  He cool as hell but he is one of those emotionally damaged guys which I think I have an Emotionally Damaged Man magnet stuck to my ass because they seem to be everywhere I look.  He seemed “normal” all this time but now I learn more about his past, he says stuff like “no one has ever cared about me”, then he says “I need you to blah blah blah” which relates to something ole girl didn’t do, and his answer to my questions concerning feelings is always “I don’t know”.  I feel a headache coming on so I am close to resuming our friendship and directing him to counseling with the last guy who couldn’t get over his ex-fiancee and the other guy before him who was still stuck in high school.

What else?  I feel like I get disappointed often.  Then, when I believe someone is capable of doing better, I get frustrated.  After frustration I get tired so I call it quits whatever “it” is.  My disappointment is due to my own expectation which, more times than not, exceeds their own expectations or belief in themselves.  Maybe I’m overly optimistic.  A dreamer.  I don’t think so.  I tend to care too much I know.  I tend to walk away later than sooner I know.  Someone asked me why I have been MIA lately….it’s because people mess up my peaceful existence.  If God would just cut out this need for companionship I’d be perfect because I can’t tolerate people most of the time and those I can tolerate by practice are sometimes on thin ice.  What I absolutely hate is when someone jumps into the deep end just for show knowing they can’t swim and, when I have to come drag their butt to shore after they dang near pull me down with them, I wanna choke them & am labeled argumentative.  I’ve learned that people tend to attack when their weakness is exposed as if I’m getting too close so I let those slide off my back.  Someone told me I ask too many questions…it’s because you don’t wanna answer my questions but it’s cool. I’m not gonna walk into a fog mist.  I went to this guy’s apt Friday and got highly irritated because his apt reminded me of my grandma’s.  He has way too much furniture, a glass table without a fingerprint in sight, a glass pitcher set with 4 matching glasses just sitting on the table for decoration without a fingerprint, stacks of CDs with no case sitting on the table, framed pictures everywhere but on the walls….just neat clutter.  I wanted to have a garage sell and get rid of all that stuff for him!  I couldn’t assess everything that was in the room because there was too much in the room and I felt claustrophobic like my grandma was sleeping in the next room.  I analyzed everything in his apt that my brain was begging for a break but there was so much left to analyze that I had to turn my head off and focus on eating my food when he asked if I wanted something to drink and listed all he had in the fridge.  I said “koolaid”, he brought me the cup of red koolaid, I took a gulp, and almost got pissed instantly….did he even put sugar in it?!  I hate watered down koolaid!  Are you even black or is that the best tan I’ve ever seen? Whatever.

August 17, 2009 Posted by | Life | , , , | Leave a comment