32B's Blog

…where I write my words

My Hatred

I thought I knew who I was
until I looked my hatred in the face
She refers to you as Allah
while I simply call you God
I only know what her religion teaches
which differs greatly from my own
I accepted our differences humbly
but must acknowledge what seethed within
Her head-dress elicits my hatred
I desire to spit in her face
Water-boarding and inhumane torture
She deserves it all and much more than that
Inside I surprise even myself
but then I read/hear/see the bombs explode
I convince myself that my God shall win
while she is convinced that Allah has won
Jesus does not teach what I feel
nor will He ever condone my inner struggle
Tears well in my eyes as I admit this
knowing that God already knows the same
Hate never wins
Only Love prevails
But the definition of both words
differ as much as our beliefs
So, who is right and who is wrong?
How many more deaths and bombs?
Involved in a war without an end
shall mark the end of all wars
My God, in Jesus’ name, forgive me
for the death I wish upon her and her kind
It is so easy to hate and difficult to love them
impossible to try when there’s still blood on their hands
I thought I knew who I was
until I looked my hatred in the face
She refers to you as Allah
while I simply call you God


May 31, 2010 Posted by | My Writings | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sixth Sense

spiritLast night I finished a book written by a woman who has psychic abilities as well as a “guide”.  This book is mainly an autobiography starting from her childhood, how she first noticed her “gift”, and her life up till now.  What I found interesting in the book is that she was an atheist.  She did not grow up in a religious home, never went to church, and did not believe there was a God simply because of the same argument everyone has….there is so much suffering.  What drew me to the book were the questions she asked her “guide” about the afterlife and God, about our reason for being here, and about our task while we are here.

In the beginning, when she initially heard the voice of her “guide”, she was trying to understand why she was chosen and what she was supposed to do with what she had.  She asked her “guide” if there was a God.  The “guide” replied … yes.  She asked why there was so much suffering in the world.  The “guide” replied … not because God allowed it but because it is apart of life effecting each one of us randomly and at different levels based on our own spiritual strength.  She asked whether God makes bad and good things happen.  Her “guide” replied …  God does not make them happen and gave the following example:

Imagine you have an autistic child who is isolated and lost in his own world.  Then his doctor suggests you give the child to him for a year with the certainty that he will suffer while he is away but the child will return to you stronger and healed.  But, if you do not send the child away he will forever be lost and isolated.  Will you send the child away?

She replied … yes, of course!  The “guide” replies … As God sends you to earth.   The “guide” does not confirm a heaven or a hell but he does confirm levels within the afterlife in which spirits go depending on how they lived their lives here on earth at which the ultimate judge is not God but you yourself.  Your higher self judges your lower earthly self on their behavior while here.  I guess my problem was when the author said there is no such thing as “God’s will” since bad and good things happen randomly which releases God from the scrutiny of being a bad person holding the reigns of evil and doing nothng as evil attacked the innocent, the poor, the young, and the disadvantaged.  Interesting…

Lastly, our purpose for being here on earth, is to mature our spirits.  We are our spirit and our spirit is what makes us so, experiencing the various emotional sufferings of life, strengthens our resolve … matures our spirit …. teaches us wisdom … and makes us better equipped to handle … handle what?  I don’t know.  It was kinda inferred from the book that we all come back reincarnated to continue to “experience these emotions” before eventually becoming “guides” ourselves.  No mansion in the sky.  No afterlife with God.  There is a God but nothing as we are taught in church.  We keep coming back and the younger spirits strengthen and the older ones become “guides” and we usher lost souls over when they are trapped, give people hope to persevere during life’s trials, and learn that death is not to be feared because life is a teaching tool and nothing more.

I am not going to say whether or not I agree with the theories of the book nor do I doubt her experiences documented are indeed what she claims to have experienced but I will say this … I truly wonder what part of our overall human population can attest to seeing ghosts, hearing spirits, experiencing an outer force stuck in this realm.  The author even goes as far as to say:

Everyone has a sixth sense.  We’re all born with it.  Most of us lose it because of religious doctrine or society’s rules.  It’s a case of varying abilities.

I agree wholeheartedly but that is another blog in itself!

January 23, 2009 Posted by | Spiritual | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Positive Thinking

I was on the train today just thinking when this new “craze” popped into my mind for no reason at all.  I call it a craze because it seems as if it is something new but, to me, did it not already exist?  I got home and turned on my TV more so for background noise while I worked to see Oprah talking about this exact topic.  From what I have read and heard, positive thinking is a connection to your spiritual being in which you focus on positive thoughts and outcomes which are supposed to result in a happier or optimistic outlook on life. 

Be still.  Connect to your spiritual core.  Take trials as learning experiences.  Do not give in to negative thoughts.  If you believe you shall fail then you will.  If you think you are doomed then you are.  Think what you want and it will come true.  It all sounds like something I have read and heard before.  Be still and know that I am that I am.  Stay connected to the vine and abide in me.  Trails come to make you strong.  As a man thinketh so he is.  Life and death lies in the power of the tongue.  Ask in faith and believe that you shall have it.   One is independent in a way and the latter is dependent  in a way.  You still choose to be rooted but the latter seems to draw on a known well … where is the well for the first thought pattern?

The thing that has me thoroughly confused is when someone from the show, as well as others familiar with this positive thinking plan, say that at first they were religious simply because it was the thing to do but then they found spirituality and realized there is a difference.  There is?  Is there a difference?  Religion is what?  They have defined spirituality but what is religion?  To me, from my extensive library of one book, religion is an organized and collective belief in something or someone such as Judaism or Buddhism.  But, how do you possibly separate one from the other?  Separate faith from beliefs? Without faith religion would be something you do but do not really believe in.  Without religion faith would be an uprooted plant trying to survive the elements.

Spiritual thinking is a way of life to keep us, humans, connected as we undergo this human experience – as explained by the show.  I do not disagree with the notion of spiritual thinking but I do disagree with the idea that is can exist alone.  In what spirit are you rooted or connected?  What does that spirit tell you?  How does it direct you?  There are many spirits and not all are aimed for good!  This whole spiritual thinking is what I have called and known as faith.  Faith in a higher being.  Faith that my life has a purpose.   Faith & positive thinking – one in the same?

Religion in itself will never explain everything so it could never begin to become a “be all do all” so to speak.  Where there are arguable holes in a theory or theology – insert faith.  How does going to church every Sunday have an bearing on your life?  It does not and will not without connecting to the Spirit which guides you.  The differences between positive thinking and faith present themselves when I think about hardships we all may face in life.  How does positive thinking sustain me when I am holding my dying child in my arms?  I think positive thoughts to reinforce what?  Think positive thoughts that who is in control?  Think positive thoughts that my child is where?  Think positive thoughts from where? 

How does positive thinking sustain me when I am hunted because my skin has  more pigmentation than others or my beliefs are not that of the majority?  Does thinking positive get me out of these situations?  No – because thinking is rooted in the mind and my mind is the reason I fight with myself day after day.  My mind must be ruled by someone or something other than myself so to fathom the idea that this device can produce positive anything independently is stand up and sit down comedy.

One guest did say she lost her son and that this kind of thinking helped her persevere.  She allowed herself to grieve, not get down about life, not give in and give up, stayed connected to her spirit and made the decision to live the rest of her life.  Yes – that is it!  Exactly that!  Take something directly connected in a higher being, strip it of its association with that higher being and make claims that you yourself can suffice without that higher being by simply staying connected to the spirit.  How effective is a vine without it’s root?  How prosperous is a garden without it’s gardener?  How beautiful is anything that grows without pruning?  Let’s just call it what it is…

January 14, 2009 Posted by | Spiritual | , , , , | Leave a comment