32B's Blog

…where I write my words

Day 44

Today I am grateful for Sister Time & good margaritas!  Today we went to Killer Margaritas just because we  hadn’t gone since….last Spring/Summer?  They have some of the best & deliciously strong margaritas  I wanted the Carne Asada but they were out of skirt steak (huh?!) so I ordered Pollo Azteca which is chicken (duh!) with grilled veggies served with rice & beans.  I also ordered a large strawberry margarita, one sister ordered a lime margarita, and another sister ordered a jumbo banana margarita.  One sister thought the drink was too strong to finish so I gladly took on that responsibility for her lol!

March 14, 2012 Posted by | Grateful | | Leave a comment

Day 43

Today I am grateful for finding this video on Facebook about Sexual Compatibility.  I was up late talking on the phone when I came across one of my friends “liking” this video.  This friend is married to another friend who is an Associate Pastor so I knew it was something Christian related.  Well, it is definitely an interesting video and something I think is very strong in its message.

March 13, 2012 Posted by | Grateful | | Leave a comment

Day 42

Today I am grateful for my older kids.  Oh man I love babies!  I love them because they are cute, cuddly, you can dress them, feed them, rock them, and they make cute sounds which I think are words in BabyLand.  But then I love my older kids because they are old enough to have some responsibility which frees me up to do things I wanna do in my own life.  My older kids can walk to school by themselves taking the little brother, get into the apartment with their own set of keys, call me from their pre-paid cell phones to let me know where they or if they made it to their destination safely, and have their own mini-lives.  Both offer its own Pros and Cons but I can definitely appreciate the significance of both esp when it comes to being a single mom who wants to get back to doing things I used to do before the kids came along (running more, early morning fitness classes, etc.).

March 12, 2012 Posted by | Grateful | | Leave a comment

Day 41

Today I am grateful that my sisters can cook!  Feed me Feed me!  We all made it to our grandmother’s funeral which is a miracle since it’s difficult to get all 5 girls out to the same event.  But, today, my sister texted me to say she was cooking and if I wanted to come over.  Always!  I asked what she was cooking; true black southern cuisine which is something I rarely eat unless I’m at a family dinner or specifically seek out a Soul Food restaurant.  So we went, ate, drank, I ate again, did girl-talk, laughed, and then I left because I had work the next morning and the kids had school.  But, I did leave with a super full belly and 5 of those small bottles of airplane alcohol which is awesome!

March 11, 2012 Posted by | Grateful | | Leave a comment

Day 40

Today I am grateful for knowing my peace of mind.  My grandma’s funeral was today.  She was a true follower of Jesus.  Everyone who walked up to the mic shared a story about her giving them Christian Biblical advice about different things.  I was sad all week about not having her here anymore but then I walked in and listened to the stories and realized how awesome it must be to know where she is right now.  You know how you go to funerals and can probably guess where this person might be residing at that very moment?  My sadness disappeared and I felt happy knowing she is not in pain anymore or that person whom I saw months before she passed; a stranger who looked nothing like my grandma.  I honestly feel like she would have told me to stop crying, so I did.  I honestly feel like she would have enjoyed her mini-church service because she loved church, so I am glad.  I honestly feel like she would have wanted to share all she knows right now with me but I still have to finish living my life hoping I can be a little bit like her, so I keep trying.  It gives me peace of mind to know she is ok and I don’t have to be sad anymore.  I’ve never gone to a funeral and experienced that almost instant evaporation of my selfish need to have that person here instead of where they are; dead and gone from earth.

March 10, 2012 Posted by | Grateful | | Leave a comment

Day 39

Today I am grateful for peace.  No worries, no concerns, no headaches, no problems, no anxiety…just peace that things will be ok and that nothing I could ever plan to do will make a difference in how the chips may fall.  Now, I am one of those people who like to stir the pot and be their own force of nature but then it’s times like this where it feels good to just let go and know that life will just fold as it is intended.  Time to prepare for tomorrow…

March 9, 2012 Posted by | Grateful | | Leave a comment

Day 38

Today I am grateful for honest communication & the end of midterm week.  I had this huge molehill argument with Braxton which led to us talking about several things.  Being honest has never been a hard thing to do but when you’re angry it’s easy to go tit for tat in trying to make a point and prove you are right.  Things were resolved by bedtime so I am happy for little spats because it does bring clarity.  Also, my midterm was tonight.  I think I studied well, I remember the things I studied, and I have a clear understanding of the big picture (thus far).  Out of 120 points, I calculate that I at least got a score of 105 based on which problem I was lost on and how many points he might deduct for a partial correct answer.  That is about a 87 which is still a “B” so I’ll take it since I seem to be a “B” student anyways; from Kindergarten til now.  Spring Break baby!

March 8, 2012 Posted by | Grateful | | Leave a comment

Day 37

Today, I am grateful for studying earlier in the day instead of waiting until that evening because I was completely unable to focus after a little spat.  I began looking over my study problems for my midterm exam around 10am.  I actually took some time when I wasn’t busy with work or on the phone for work to work out these problems and do some samples ones from a previous homework assignment to make sure I had it.  I went through 2 or 3 chapters of problems today, read through my notes taken while in class, and I was feeling pretty good!  Until, I decided to take a little study break and someone who will remain nameless proceeded to irritate the hell outta me so I was bothered and unfocused after that.  I tried to read but I couldn’t.  Ugh!  I knew this would happen.  Silly stupid naive little rabbit, I am.  **Sigh** but the party must go on so I gave up and went to bed…might as well try again tomorrow morning.  But, those hours spent earlier in the day were worthwhile and a good investment of my time.  Next time, I’ll keep my ass off the phone.

March 7, 2012 Posted by | Grateful | | Leave a comment

Day 36

Today I am grateful for clarity.  I think I am depressed.  You wanna know why I think that?  Because it’s Tuesday and I haven’t showered since Sunday when I learned my grandmother has passed away.  My body has not touched water since Sunday morning but I have brushed my teeth.  I have eaten huge amounts of chocolate.  I have been sleeping a lot and waking up during the middle of the night and going back to sleep about 2am to start my day off completely exhausted.  I have not eaten any real food until I feel my stomach about to jump from my body unless I feed it something of substance.  And, I can’t seem to pull myself together to study for my midterm exam in the hardest class I have this semester.  This is not the time for this shit to happen but it is never the time for shit to happen; that’s life.  So, I sit here in my 2 day of literal funk not really caring about washing my ass because I am holding on to the only thing I can hold on to; signed The Control Freak.  I’ll pull through in my own time, I’m sure.  But, for now, I’m grateful for knowing how I am handling this which isn’t as bad as it could be but it isn’t as good as it can be either.  I’m also grateful for the formatting Braxton did for my grandmother’s voicemail which I placed on Facebook and for him understanding that I would really like to be left alone…I haven’t answered my phone lately unless it’s related to the kids.

 

 

March 6, 2012 Posted by | Grateful | | Leave a comment

Day 35

Today, I am grateful for Pulaski’s Day because I used this holiday where Chicago schools are out to stay home and just wallow in my funk.  I didn’t feel like doing anything, I didn’t feel like leaving the house, I did answer my phone and took work calls but that was a welcoming distraction from my personal life so I welcomed it.  I cooked for the kids so they had something to eat.  I didn’t go running today.  I didn’t shower today.  I brushed my teeth though; I think.  I fell asleep early and woke up about midnight, started watching Good Deeds (the new Tyler Perry movie), did a little internet surfing, and then went back to sleep.  I kinda sailed through the day where the most work I did was for work.  I didn’t study for my midterm this week today.  It’s a holiday and school was out so my kids went to Safari Land with the ICI.  I’m just grateful to still be here.

March 5, 2012 Posted by | Grateful | , , | Leave a comment