32B's Blog

…where I write my words

Eat My Words?

Last month, I wrote this blog post about a guy I was dating.  Basically, I wrote this about him:

One day I was venting to my sister about a guy I was dating.  I told her how he does not have a retirement savings account (this is all before the recession), he does not have adequate life insurance (it was enough to cover his funeral only if he died debt free), he had no bankable skills to mention (career wise), he cannot afford to live alone (not enough income), and he is kid free never married in his right mind.  I wondered how we would live, how we would cover our bills, who would pick up most of the financial obligations, and who would be the breadwinner.  I wondered if one of us died earlier than we expected (any time prior to retirement) and I wondered if he had more children.  I wondered all these things also taking into consideration that he was about 8 years older than I, working on his credit also, making less money than I, and not degreed in any field or skill.  Looking at his financial outlook, there are slim chances he would amount to anything with so many factors not in his favor.

Long story short, he read this post and made one line in particular his Facebook status.  “…there are slim chances he would amount to anything with so many factors not in his favor”.  I read it on his page and thought to myself, “what happened now?” so I texted him.  He then told me that I had written those words and that he now knows how I truly feel about him.  Inside I struggled with myself over my response…I replied “ok” and that was that.  Do I eat my words and regret ever writing them knowing that there was a chance he would read this blog since it is public?  No.  Honesty prevails whether I should have told him how I felt or not is another subject.  I never meant any harm and, if you read the post itself, I was making a point of how those in relationships should and must consider the financial state of the other person because it may no longer be a “their debt” category if the relationship progresses into something serious – it becomes “our debt”.  I even commented about my huge student loan debt, I write here often about paying that down and accepting the fact that I may die first before that balance is zero.  I have written about my own personal bills, getting my personal finances in order, funding my emergency account, and having finally gotten life insurance for myself in the event I die sooner rather than later and leave my family struggling to cover my expenses.

Did what I write change how I felt about him?  No.  Does it matter now?  Nope, but I am sure my name is apart of some Gold Digger file cabinet guys register ex-girlfriends under when the female even hints at money in any way that makes him uncomfortable, insecure, or less than a man.  What he replied back to me today, “I know what you think about me” is so far from the truth that it’s apart of another galaxy.  Money does not make the person or else I, and a lot of other people, would be piles of shit laying along the side of the road.  And, quite frankly, if money was ever an issue I would have not bothered from day one, I would have ran when he lost his job and started collecting unemployment, would have chucked the deuces when he couldn’t afford to go out like we used to,  and I would have bailed when he was searching day after day for housing knowing he was getting kick out of his apartment pretty soon.  I still stayed you asshole!  Is the amount of money important to me?  No.  Is stability important to me?  Yes.  Is what you do with your money important to me?  Yes.  We need to be able to pay our bills, take care of any kids we may have, and plan for a brighter future where we live more than work ourselves to death – that is my goal as far as finances and notice I said we (had to bold and underline that one since most guys think women are looking to be taken care of financially – wrong chick).

I talked to him about his life insurance.  I told him the policy he has (or had, not sure anymore) was a rip off and he should get out of it and buy his own policy for the same if not lower price with a much higher death benefit if not now than later.  We have talked about stocks, investments, retirement accounts, and savings.  I have been very outspoken on what I think he should do, what I have read, what tips I plan to utilize, and what he should be doing at his age at this point in his life.  I talked about my student loan debts and told him they amount to the price of a small home.  He knows about a car loan I am still paying off.  He knows about defaulted credit cards I had way back when in college.  He knows I am in school now denying every student loan thrown my way because I would rather pay out-of-pocket for any expenses my company does not cover than dig myself in deeper doo-doo.  He knows this and I talk about my finances openly like everything else we have ever talked about.  My frustration was because he did not listen to me.  Ok, maybe I wanted him to do what I said on some of those suggestions – I’ll admit that but I think I am right on most esp the retirement account.

There is nothing else to say about the topic, the fact that he read my blog, or was offended by anything I wrote about him.  I would make the same financial analysis with any other guy and I have with every other guy so no one shall ever be exempt just like I would expect a guy to make the same analysis of my financial state before we get “serious” because my small house of student loans and car loan debt will interfere with our monthly cash flow as we merge all of our monthly expenses into one cash pool.  My debt does not go away with marriage as his debt does not go away – we gotta budget for them both so just face the facts!  And, just like I access every other compatibility within a relationship, it is amazing how sex and money are the sensitive buttons when it comes to guys.  If you even insinuate they are inadequate in either, they get pissed, call you names, and/or say you never really loved them.  Newsflash, the many times I brought these topics up – that showed I cared enough to talk to you about them, wanted to offer my suggestions, share what I have read, or tell you what I was doing to make my own finances better just like you have talked to me about areas in my life where I totally suck or need to “get it together”.  Lastly, I do not regret a single line or word I wrote on this blog and I will not apologize but I do acknowledge how my words offended you deeply so for that I am truly sorry.

October 20, 2010 Posted by | Life | , , , | 4 Comments

Old…New

The Current events of the world are about 70% negative and 30% good once you search high and low for the good or just make that 30% your personal good and let the negativity just be.  Well, everyone usually asks “what’s been going on with you?” and I usually say “nothing really. same ol’ same ol’ ya know?” I thought to make a list of all the exciting, new, blah, and other stuff that is currently going on with me although it might be a short list and some of the “great” things might be “blah” things to others but whatever.

  1. 1.  The Chicago Half Marathon is this Sunday.  The expo for the event is Saturday at Navy Pier so I will bring my kids, turn in my waiver (i.e. if you die it’s on you cause no one told your butt to run that long anyways), and pick up my race packet complete with t-shirt and maybe my finisher medal (can’t wear either until I earn it at the end of the race).  Race starts at 7am on the south side of Chicago and runs along the beautiful Lake Michigan which means the wind might be strong enough to blow my butt into the water but I will enjoy the views, the people, and the experience esp since my training has taken a detour the last few weeks.  If I break 2 hours it will be a miracle but I plan to stick with a 8:30-9 min/mile pace and try harder next year.  Life happens and you make lemonades – or something like that.
  2. I am enjoying my Executive Leadership class.  We had a guest speaker yesterday who talked about being a manager, leader, working in corporate America, hiring the “right” employees, motivating them to help you both reach company goals, and being accountable to your employees or you will have high turnover and low moral.  The best thing she does is allow her team to help choose new employees because it gives them a responsibility to choose what type of person or background the overall team needs and gets them involved in “us” and not just “me”.
  3. I am moving in a few months.  Where? I have the slightest idea but it will be 6-9 months from now according to the attorneys handling my landlord’s foreclosure.  Now, I am trying to contact someone about whether I should or should not be paying rent.  It’s hard to get a return phone call.  I realized I hate moving, I hate changing my address, I hate not getting my mail, and Chicago rent is kinda expensive for nothing in return.
  4. I am starting on my family tree again.  Why?  Because this guy from my class has the exact same last name as I do and I wonder if we are related off in the distanct tree of black folks. His sister has done quite a bit with their family history so he will send it to me so I can compare it with what I have.  He seems pretty cool to talk to.  He walked me to the train after class, we exchanged numbers, and he said “you gonna keep in contact?” Um, yeah I see you every week fool.  He said our last name is French which is interesting since Irby from my mom’s side is French too. 
  5. I am knitting a beret hat.  I knitted this cute scarf for myself and now I am knitting a matching beret hat using the same yarn.  The scarf was easy.  The beret hat, not so much.  I’m on row #2 and it involves 3 or 4 dbl point needles which look like chop sticks and markers to mark the end or beginning of a row.  Not sure if this will be an epic fail but I am trying it anyways.  I like beret hats.  Probably should have settled on buying one instead but working for something and putting in the hard work makes it that more special to you.  I say that now….
  6. I am a week away from officially going to Atlanta.  My ex-hubby has agreed to watch the kids for those 5 days (3 of which are week days) and we have finalized the hotel room so now we just need to buy our plane tickets.  It’s me and the birthday girl who will be turning 30 next month.  We will meet her friend there from Texas and 2 guy friends who live in ATL.  Never been to ATL but I am ready to get away.  I pray everything goes as planned with the kids. 
  7. My credit score is at a somewhat average range now.  I will not say what it is because it is still rather low but it increased 20 or 30 points so I’m glad.  Of course, when you avg it between all 3 bureaus it is not as impressive but every little bit counts.
  8. I am  5 days from a $6k emergency fund balance.  I am supposed to have 3-6 months of living expenses depending on which book or financial guru advice you listen to but I thought to just set aside $10k and then I’ll be cool.  I have had set backs where I had to use money from the fund (the reason to have it in the first place) and times when I couldn’t put anything into it but I made sure to replace those amounts taken out or give myself some room to mess up.  I just got my first child support check since May 2010 so that helped me buy school clothes for the kids and pay daycare these weeks but nothing else.  Should be a regular stream of money I hope so I can move on to my next financial goal.
  9. No new debts have been added to my credit report.  Other than a medical bill with Rush Medical that one time I went to the ER for chest pains and an irregular heart beat.  I have a flex medical account set up for anything my insurance does not cover but since the ER visit was in 2009 the funds for 2010 do not cover the remaining balance.  I used a good $500 from my flex acct toward the bill but it still left another $500 remaining.  Use my emergency fund money?  I really dnt want to esp since a medical bill isn’t as big a blow to my credit as a credit card bill.  This is why I am switching from a flex med acct next yr to a HSA instead because I can use my money for any medical bill I want to since it’s **drum roll please** my money!
  10. I think I like customers.  When I worked in fast food I hated customers and any service they required because the motto in fast food is “the customer is always right”.  Well, there are some pretty rude, dumb, and demanding people in the world so I have no idea who in their right mind would assume that motto is true.  Yes, they want to believe it so customers will continue to spend money in their businesses but, as a lowly employee, the customer sucked!  Now, since I work in an environment where the customer is definitely not always right and people usually call me beginning with “this is probably a stupid question but….” then I love it.  I always have stupid questions so I feel like there is someone out there like me and I like making their jobs easier.  Does it make me feel needed?  Like an expert?  A genius.  Sure lol but I sincerely like people who are actually smart just not sure how to do A, B, or C.  Call me anytime you need me.  Some people even have my cell phone number. 
  11. I am learning to cut hair!  Every Wednesday I go to the shop and Mr. D lets me cut my kids’ hair as my Barber 101 lesson.  I save $20 since I’m doing all the work and he empowers me to do it myself so it’s a win-win situation for me….not so sure exactly what he gets out of it though.  My oldest gets bald fades so he let me cut around from temple to temple using his $190 clippers (I better not ever drop them or he may kill me), then I cut the top low, and then I fade the line out I created by going temple to temple.  On my youngest I just do a regular haircut of one shade all the way around.  Obviously I don’t know the barbershop terms but that does not matter.  Mr. D lines them up when I’m done, I do the dust down with that talc powder stuff, then I spray something on my hands and rub it around the hairline, then I spray oil sheen on their heads, and I make sure I spray the clippers with this sanitizer stuff every time I switch between the kids & he even lets me wear his smock.  He then drives us home since it’s Wednesday after work at about 8pm which is then about 10pm since I cut extra slow sometimes.
  12. Last but not least, I am thinking about doing the CFA (Chartered Financial Analyst) exams.  I thought I may need something to set myself apart from other applicants but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to eventually do so this is still only a thought.  I intensely dislike but highly respect accounting so a CPA is not in my future.  With no real work experience, an exam like the CFA will give me the background knowledge of finance and investments to get where I might be looking to be.  As soon as I figure out where that is then I will decide if it’s to my personal benefit or not.  This consists of 3 exams which have a below 50% pass rate and costs a pretty penny to take.  The exam covers, finance, econ, stat, ethics, investments vehicles, and several other things that fall under one of those categories such as future/present value of money, interest rates, stock calls/puts, standard deviation, and loads of formulas to memorize.  I honestly think the CFA displays a higher knowledge and aptitude than an MBA but the MBA are three letters every employer is looking for at the very least.  And, I keep finding more people who have failed than passed these exams at some point.  Hmmm.

That is all I can think of that may be remotely interesting to someone other than myself.  I feel like it’s time to continue moving forward and I am honestly ready to make moves in 3 to 4 years (if I live that long).  It’s Friday so that means I need to finish up work for the week and get my weekend started.  I miss those weekend when you slept in, never left the house unless you absolutely needed to, and watch TV/movies all day.  Those were great!  I wish I knew French but, since I do not, hasta luego!

September 10, 2010 Posted by | Life | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Life

Lots of small things.  Nothing really major to discuss.  Not sure if one is more significant than the other to deserve a blog posting. 

My landlord is about 2 weeks away from her foreclosure deadline.  There is a Re/Max sign on the front gate so I assume she is trying to sell before that time.  I asked about the situation and she reassured me she will let me know in advance when I will have to move.  A friend of mine who went through a foreclosure a year or two ago told me that as soon as the house is legally in foreclosure I am no longer required to pay rent.  I will need to find documentation for that but it sounds nice to be able to live rent-free until we are kicked out.  Not sure if my landlord will go for that but she is living mortgage-free although it will have a disastrous effect on her credit score and record.  I want to stay in the same area and have found 3 apartments within 3 blocks from my current location.  All walking distance from the same places I walk to now & within the same price range so that is excellent.

My ex passed his Series 63 exam and I think he has another one to pass as well.  I am sincerely happy for him but it is kinda hard to “chill” because he is used to sabotaging his own success.  You know those type of people?  People who seem to have the drive and determination to move mountains but give up or throw in the towel right before their breakthrough?  Yeah, he is one of those.  I have seen it countless times in the last 12 yrs to know not to get all congratulatory because he has a way of getting in his own way and, as much as I want to see him succeed, his head is hard & stubborn & stuck in its own ways.  So, kudos to passing the exam.  Now, let’s stay focused on the next task ahead.

I am terrified of marrying again.  I know I didn’t do a bad job in my first marriage but I also didn’t do a stellar job either.  I do not want to get divorced twice.  I told Mr. D this much.  He said “that’s cool”.  Then I asked “what if we end up together forever?”  He said “what’s wrong with that?”  Then I reminded him how he does not want kids unless he is married to which he said “I can always adopt” but he quickly changed that to “we’ll cross that bridge when we get there”.  He is buying a house in a nearby suburb of Chicago expecting to close in August if he gets it.  His credit score has risen 100 points since we last talked finances which is pretty awesome.  Mine is basically holding steady at “crap” which is 100 points below his so that is neither good nor bad.  I would say I am more liquid than he is because he has no disposable cash or savings.  At least not a decent amount.  You know how people just sit there and rub your face while looking at you in silence?  What does that mean?  He did that yesterday and I wanted to ask a million questions like women do such as “what are you thinking about?” but I didn’t.  I just let him awkwardly rub my face in complete uncomfortable silence and I sat there allowing myself to be rubbed.  Sounds weird. 

A lady from church ran into my sister yesterday or today or some time this week.  The lady asked my sister why I don’t go to church anymore.  My sister said “I don’t know”.  Then the lady said “well, when she did come she always seemed to hate being here as if someone rubbed her the wrong way”.  My sister said nothing.  Not sure if it was a ploy to get information or sincere concern.  I guess my sister didn’t like it at all and was kinda pissed.  I really don’t have anything positive to say so I will leave that alone.

Four more weeks before the kids are back – I think.  Still running/training.  Still reading.  Printing off the last few annual reports for a company I have interest in buying stocks in but I am still learning how to calculate intrinsic value & read these reports in a financially analytical way.  Does that make sense?  It does in my head.  I have 2 more books to get through but I did read “The Millionaire Next Door” this weekend.  I have a race in 3 weeks and my soror is coming into the town from TX again so it’s girls’-night-out the last weekend of July.  I turn 30 years old in August.  No plans.  I’ll just be happy to see that day.  If not, I gave it my all and raised my middle finger to all those who tried to stop me lol b*tches!  Note to self: I need to repent for a lot of stuff.

June 30, 2010 Posted by | Life | , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Life – Updates

Went out today with the intentions of running another 6 miles – my usual.  It was warm today but not humid which is great because my breathing does not do well in humid conditions which is why I am praying for cooler weather come Sept for just that weekend at least.  Anywho, I fuss over what to wear.  Not sure anyone else does this but I do.  I wear simple basic clothing (not always famous brand names) that must fit my body well.  Today, I wore $3 running shorts from Family Dollar and a white tank I bought from the corner store for $2.  The only famous name brands I wore was my Nike shoes, Nike watch, and Victoria’s Secret racerback bra.  My shorts and tank fit snugly and I looked good (imo, my booty is to die for).  I was going running but I made sure I looked good running lol I know, sounds trivial!  By mile 1 I was feeling good telling myself to stay relaxed and just run since I decided to just run and not focus on time although my watch was still ticking.  I was feeling so good I kept running past my normal turn around points till I had finished 9.5 miles.  When my mind started to progress the distance, it was too late….I had already ran to the point of no return and had to run back unless I didn’t plan on going back home at all.  That is what I do to myself.  By the time I reached about the 8 mile mark, my thighs were beginning to feel fatigued from the constant movement although I was careful not to overspend myself.  One foot in front of the other, inhale & exhale through my nose only, relax my arms/shoulders/face, and enjoy the run to see where it takes me.  I am proud of myself.  It’s supposed to rain Thursday but a little rain never hurt anyone.  Truthfully, I can be a bit of an exhibitionist.  No one calls you that if your body looks good.  The fat chick?  Call the police now!!

My personal finances have stalled a little bit.  I lost track of bills since switching to e-bills so now I have switched back to paper.  Yes, I am killing trees but these late fees from forgotten bills are no joke.  Not too far behind but it is messing up my monthly contribution to my savings account which means June may see no contribution at all while I fix my mistakes and pay other bills completely off.  May saw a $200 decrease.  July should be back to normal with my goal of $500-800/month put aside till the kids get back from summer vacation.  If I fall behind on my emergency funds goal then I will not be prepared to invest full-time next year.  Still into my investing books for now.  I have most of my papers squared away.  My friend joked that I am “ready to die” lol …. on paper?  Yes.  Spiritually?  Hardly so.  I read in one of my books that the people who have enough money set aside to take care of small emergencies and/or to live on for a few months sleep more soundly at night than those with not a dollar saved.  I do sleep soundly but I do not put faith in my account balance.  God has a way of showing you who’s God and making sure you always put your faith where it should be so, quite frankly, I am still afraid of Him.  However, I am not stupid.  God does give us common sense.  Save save save!!

Job is going well.  I officially work independently which I can state with confidence since I’ve had that line on my resume for years now.  My supervisor acts as if I work for myself, by myself, and am in need of little to no supervision.  So, I do just that.  If I have a question, I find the answer on my own.  If I need a connection to a database made, I contact our Director of Implementation and finish my work.  If I need my supervisor at all, it’s to go through him to our manager for something.  Other than that, I work as if I am a department of one.  I am in charge of my customers and anything they have an issue with and any place where I drop the ball.  Lots of responsibility and room to prove yourself but also lots of room to make mistakes with no hiding them.  I have had customers who did not like my answer, go to my supervisor with the entire string of emails we’ve sent back and forth expecting my supervisor to reprimand me.  He stood by my decision.  Vote of confidence indeed.  Weight on my shoulders as well.  I went from a department of 2 to another department of 2 – I don’t think I’d make it in a regular job with a bigger company where managers love to micromanage the hell outta everyone.  I like the freedom and the trust placed in my abilities.  I like making sure my solutions/suggestions will stand up in the court of my manager’s critique.  I like the independence.  I like being held accountable.  I like being challenged.  I like finding the solution.  I like staring at my computer for hours trying to solve various puzzles.  I like it all.

Mr. D – nothing to comment on really.  He is still here.  I broke up with him.  He asked if we can get back together.  I broke it off because we rarely do couple stuff together like go see a movie, grab something to eat, sit outside for hours and talk – ya know?  We talk on the phone for hours and hours but that is no different than friendships I’ve had with guys!  Normal stuff we hardly do because he works like 3 jobs.  Then I ask myself, what if he worked only 1 job?  Well, then I wouldn’t want to go out as much, he’d probably be clingy, and I’d be annoyed with him.  I told him he spends more time with his brother than he does with me.  He said that’s because they are roommates.  This brother said Mr. D is always with me and prb has a toothbrush at my apt.  One day while at the mall, his brother told Mr. D to just buy a ring already and make it official.  Mr. D replied that he’s not ready for marriage just yet.  He asked if I was happy.  I said yes as long as we spend more quality time together.  I asked if he was happy.  He said no because we had broken up.  I asked if he sees me in his future.  He said yes.  He promised to stop and smell the roses more instead of walking right by them.  I said we shall see.  So far, he has made good on his effort to carve out QT.  His brother and I seem to think Mr. D is spending lots of time with the other person (kinda funny).  My friend told me to get a life.  I have one.  I work, run, play mommy, and have my own social life too.  Work only consumes a small portion.  The rest is spent smelling roses.  I want someone who is into smelling roses too from time to time or just wanna run through them for fun.  Like I said, Mr. D – nothing to really comment on.

June 2, 2010 Posted by | Life | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Roles

Relationship update: everything is going surprisingly well.  We have our moments individually and sometimes collectively but, overall, the good moments actually do outweigh the bad ones.  I used to hear people in relationships and marriages says that often but I never really understood how that could possibly be.  When things are bad they tend to be really bad and result in a blog post on my end as I try to make sense of it all, vent, and criticize him in every way I possibly can.  Mr. D said it will be one year this July since we started dating again.  I call it the one year anniversary since he took me out to lunch and dropped me off at home but not before surprising me with a kiss.  Things seem to be flowing but I still have my control issues which rear their little heads often.  Sometimes Mr. D does not want to listen to me so I take offense to that and think to myself, “this is not gonna work” only because he is not doing what I think he should be doing.  My uncle asked about it and I told him what recently happened and how I feel Mr. D gets all “manly” when I wanna take the reins.  He seems to wanna check his penis size in the mirror, drink a gallon of creatine, do a few hundred push-ups, and check his testosterone levels whenever I do this.  I told my uncle that Mr. D does not like a woman in charge over him in any way.  I expected my uncle to say something in agreeance (sp?) with me but, instead, he said “most men don’t”.  What?!

I know the traditional roles women and men tend to fall into.  I know what role the women in my family usually take on.  I know which role my mom played since she first married my dad till now.  I see those roles and I have an immediate identity crisis.  I cook but mainly because I have kids and I feel like it once in a while.  I do not make anything from scratch because it’s just not that serious to me.  I do not loathe anything from a box or can because I flat-out do not care.  And, I do not shop only local organic farmer’s markets because I have more serious things to waste my time on.  Basically, cooking is not a priority to me.  If I do it I do it.  If I don’t I don’t.  I clean.  That is probably the only thing I do well is clean but that’s partly because I like to control where things are, how they are organized, how clean things are, and how sanitized or neat my area is.  Clean up behind others?  Only my kids and that expired a short time ago.  Some roles are not required nowadays but Mr. D is a traditional person who likes women who cook and clean and things of that nature.  Clearly, I do not think he is concerned and I have made it clear that I will not conform to any sexist expectations.  Cooking and cleaning are fun things both parties can share but the main issue still involves where I love to dabble.  Money.

I have never required a certain amount of money or account balance or portfolio.  I just think that each person should be allowed to exercise their strengths to the betterment of the relationship.  I guess I want control where men rarely give it.  I want not only a say in the finances but also the final decision in all financial matters.  I do not agree with letting a man be a man when it comes to finances.  Not every man is equipped to handle money.  And, I know that every woman should support his decisions but I this is not “what to cook for dinner tonight?”.  This is a little more serious – in my opinion.  Each day, week, month that goes by I learn a little bit more about Mr. D and his finances.  From the outside, you would assume he has money because he loves certain brand names which stand for quality.  Under the surface, he could use a little help.  I know I talk finances a lot and this is not the only post I’ve written about it but I wonder how much emphasis to place on this category when he seems to get A’s in every thing else.  The good thing is that he answer every single one of my probing questions even my indirect ones which do not really ask how much in dollars but how many so I can do the calculation in my head and come to an answer. 

I butt heads with my dad often before he passed away.  He raised me to be an independent thinker, focused on my studies, and impervious to any obstacle that stood in my way whether it be gender roles, tradition, men, racism, or economic class.  We butt heads because his gender roles only applied to my mom but never to me.  But, I wonder what he would say now.  In this situation.  My dad controlled all the finances.  My mom was powerless and had to ask him for money.  My mom was the dumb wife most women were back then (and now) who thought cooking and cleaning was enough completely trusting of their husbands without a dime to their own name if he decided to leave (which he did).  Nowadays, most men do not want a woman who just cooks & cleans.  One of my friends does that.  She brags about how good a cook she is and how she cleans well but her boyfriend can’t stand how he is financially dependent on him & how absentminded she is because she’d lose her head if it wasn’t connected to her neck.  I wish Mr. D was a little more aware or smart about his finances but now he does seem to hear me about something as trivial as grocery shopping instead of spending $20-30/day on take-out food.  As much as he hates when I am right, outline all the reasons why he should be doing “A” instead of “B” with his money, and warn him of all the pitfalls that await him if he does not change some of his ways….he does not get angry at me.  So, maybe it’s as much him needing time to accept that money is not an every man role just as cooking is not an every woman role.   I hate roles anyways.  And, I hate that my vagina is supposed to automatically pre-qualify me for something I do not want to do. 

But, he still loves me and I do pick my battles (translation: I only get on him some of the time and it’s still his money not “ours”.)  I do think submission goes both ways though 🙂

May 16, 2010 Posted by | Life | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Balance

It’s Mother’s Day today but I do not feeling like writing about anything “mother” related.  My son’s birthday events were this weekend so I am indeed tired right now and needing a break from kids in general but they are asleep so I’m on my way to being good.  I ran my usual 6 miles.  I’d bought new running shoes but wonder why my ankles were killing me from the day I first ran in them.  I Googled ankle running injuries but found nothing so I decided to run in my old running shoes just to feel some normalcy.  I put both shoes on and felt different.  Then I took off one old shoe and put on one new shoe and realized the new shoe was much heavier than the old.  Ain’t that ’bout a b*tch!  So that is what I decided was the cause of my ankle pain….heavy shoes which were too much for my ankles to lift I guess.  I ran in my old shoes having added stretching back to my old regimen and my time was 45:29 – almost 7 minutes faster than my 6 mile run a couple of days ago.  I didn’t feel like I had run almost 7 minutes faster but I definitely felt stronger, my muscles didn’t feel tight, no screaming from my legs at all, and I felt good from start to finish.  Shave 5 minutes off that and I will definitely be within reach of a decent half-marathon finish.  I called Hanson Stadium (a track where I ran most of my city track meets during high school), they are open to the public so I have a place to do my speed workouts this summer.  The search is officially back on for new running shoes though.  I never thought the weight of the shoe could actually lead to a possible injury.  Lesson learned.

I’m still reading Midlife Crisis at 30 and finding out I need to pinpoint what makes me happy and how I want to live my life.  I do not care to have more kids because, although I love babies, starting over with sleepless nights and changing putrid diapers is not my thing.  I never knew whether I wanted kids until I delivered.  I watched over them like a hawk but it was more so militant protection than a normal maternal nature complete with soccer games, playdates, and Mozart music.  I knew I wanted to be married but I had no idea how to look for a mate, what I wanted in a mate, who I was, or what I wanted in life to know if he aligned with that.  I thought I knew love but I realized I knew loyalty and compromise more so sustaining it was a no-brainer and I wondered if love was just a way to translate how he too compromised and exhibited loyalty instead of love being an emotion felt.  My career was and is just a job I have to pay the bills.  Now, I like my job and it’s flexibility so I may stay till they boot me out since finding another job with such perks has been needle-in-a-haystack difficult.  I like wfh and seeing my kids to and from school.  I wouldn’t change anything but, at times, I feel like I should want to change it which is a fight I have with myself as a result of comparing myself to others’ career paths which I honestly do not want.  Me so crazy.  My next job or career move is TBD so when I know I will let everyone else know.

For 2010, my financial goal was to eliminate debt which has turned into not creating any more debt which has worked out somewhat.  My emergency fund is still going good although I should make some leeway in the next coming months when the kids leave for the summer freeing up childcare funds.  My goal is to have $10k in savings as my emergency fund which should be about 6-8 month expenses.  It’s May and I am officially half way there.  Next yr, I will put that money into a savings acct with a higher APY which keeps it liquid but work on saving toward a house.  I was toward 3.5% is a good amount to have although there are several programs to help you with your down-payment.  Also, working on my investments is numero uno on my list for next yr too.  I pray I am alive next yr because I still have a dent to make in my estate before I feel comfortable leaving this earth with nothing to give my kids although it’s not up to me.  This week I should be able to secure my life insurance policy….this has dragged on and on and on!  I do not spend as much as I thought, I am very conservative & frugal, and I have great discipline when it comes to money.  I am proud of myself when it was only a yr or two ago that I had no savings, loads of debt, paydays loans, and a disconnect notice for an electric bill that amounted to hundreds of dollars.  I think I have found a good balance.

Mr. D called me crazy this weekend and he is absolutely correct.  I wish I could lie and say I’m not but I am.  Not medically crazy but crazy in some behavioral ways – definitely.  It’s been almost a yr since we started dating so I sat down and thought about how life would be if we got married today.  Had a baby today.  We aren’t near that point (esp since he thinks I am crazy but I wanted place 2012 on the current situation and see how things would look.  I do not like it because I see myself being a single mom with a baby since he will work 20 hours of a 24 hour day, I will get significant face-time only because we will live together, he does not listen to me, and although he respects a woman who makes more than he does she will still be expected to do most of the household chores which is asinine.  I think the bulk of my issues lie with not being heard and having him hear only half of what I am saying and offering solutions when I did not ask him for it.  I offer advice on some of his financial matters and he does not heed my warnings.  I tell him outright to stop doing A immediately and do B now and he says “ok” but does nothing.  I vent about my job and how I do not get SQL 2005 platforms and how it has anything to do with Windows 7 and our software at work but he offers advice on it just to hear his self talk.  I wonder if he respects me as a woman – he says “yes”.  I wonder if he listens to my financial advice – he says “yes”.  I wonder if he sees me as his equal knowing the day will never come when “cook” will be my daily role – he says “yes”.  All that translates into is lies because his actions do not align with the words coming from his mouth which would be detrimental to Denisha Inc. 

My problem has never been what my life is supposed to be.  I tend to enjoy it as it is and make changes when I need to.  My job funds my goals right now since I have no clear direction on how to make the world a better place just yet.  My running is going well and I am excited to keep running and add speedwork to my training.  I bought $3 non-cotton running shorts from Family Dollar so I was über excited and got a pack of tanks for free.  I have a book on hold at the library called The Intelligent Investor which explains value investing and is allegedly a Top 10 Books on Investing.  I do know many men personally whom I respect.  Most I meet have pride issues, think I ask too many questions, think I am nosey because I want to protect my interests, and find my non-traditional ways unlike their mom’s whether they admit it or not.  My dating life will continue to suffer as a result.  Not sure how the story called my life will unfold next but, in the meantime, I will continue what I do best.  Protect the foundation of Denisha Inc keeping it protected and running strong for the interest of its two little future heirs.

May 9, 2010 Posted by | Life | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fiscal Chick

mochamoneypiggybankSince more and more people I actually know have gotten laid-off from I went into semi-crazy-saving mode.  I only say “semi” because every now and then I gots to have something or the boys require something so yea….budget out the window.  My goal at the beginning of the year was to pay down crap from my credit report so I can get on track to buying a house.  Thing is this, I don’t plan on staying in Chicago so I don’t want to buy a house here and feel the pressure to sell after just a couple of years esp in this market.  Sooooo, I have been saving saving saving!  I was told by Suze Orman, that crazy yelling guy from that Bull/Bear show, and ING (my 401k folks) that we should all have a six month emergency fund just in case.  According to my monthly expenses for BASIC needs (not counting cable, internet, or other extras) that would be about $6-8k.  Since I have stored most of my tax refund check, I am about halfway there. Notice the word “about” is in italics lol. 

My mom hates it.  She seems to think I should act like I have a decent job.  I do….when I can go out when and as I please.  When I can pay a bill after I forgot about the last two mths (I forget sometimes). When I can take the boys to any show they wanna go to on a whim.  When I can use my debit card without praying at the register that it goes through.  I like having that comfort of knowing I can as well as the discipline of knowing I don’t need to.  The downfall is that I like to see money accumulate in my account like it’s fun or something so I try to see how much more I can add.  I like to pay my monthly bills and tell Bank of America to transfer $300 into my savings account just so I’ll think I’m broke.  Yea…I’m crazy but I have slacked a lot lately.  I am extremely disciplined at holding onto money because we never had much growing up so I want to make sure the kiddies and I have what we need. 

When people started getting laid-off and relying on their 401k, savings, and unemployment checks I went into overdrive.  I didn’t wanna say my tax check is sitting in my living room on that nice stand or that it’s parked outside fully gased up.  Actually, I don’t have a flat screen….I am past due for a bigger TV though.  I don’t have a car…..but I do have a Chicago Card for every bus & train in the city.  I enjoy money, learning about money, how to grow money, how to lose money (always informative), and how to make your money work for you cause I ain’t tryna be slaving at work!  I wanna do like the executives….get the phat check, make some key decisions here and there (without sacrificing my soul), and spend some time on a beach somewhere.  I track my monthly grocery expenses so I only have to go once a month except for little things and buy in bulk as much as possible…I’m copying another blogger.  And I’m learning to knit because it is actually pretty easy, I can prb sell my crap once I master it, and that’ll save on winter stuff for the kids in roughly eight months. 

Bad credit and all I STILL refuse to give the creditors my money just yet.  As my 401k grows with the bull of the stock markets and my savings account balance increases I pray to realize my dream of being a homeowner but not now just because homes are cheap as hell.  Somewhere I want to be after I finish my Masters in a few years then I won’t have to hear that crap about needing a man to take care of me.  After I fix my credit then I can brag and say I can teach a man a few things about finances…..until then, let me shut up and stay as much on track as possible.  And, last but not least, God helps those who help themselves so maybe I won’t have to COMPLETELY pay everything on my credit report to get my house.  Let us pray….

April 23, 2009 Posted by | Life | , , , | 1 Comment