32B's Blog

…where I write my words

Apples and Oranges II

So, I thought about the comment from 2blu2btru on Apples and Oranges and decided to bring this topic up.  I do not like to waste time, I like to talk & discuss everything, and I do not like to ignore pink elephants sitting in my lap.  I brought up ice skating which Mr. D did not want to do with me because blades and ice do not agree with his mind.  I brought up the Corrine Bailey Rae concert whom Mr. D had never heard of and, after listening to some of her songs, said he did not like her music.  I brought up the ferris wheel at Navy Pier which Mr.D said we will get to soon since “soon” has a different definition than mine esp since this topic has been on the table from last summer.  I even brought up my sorority’s 30th anniversary when I asked him to go with me at my soror’s urging just to be given a “we will see” answer.  Then enters the post Apples and Oranges and why I am growing fairly dissatisfied with our lack of common interests and his refusal to even dabble in my interests. 

I have tried one of his hobbies (jazz) and loved it to be honest.  We went to see Boney James live in concert.  I had never heard of Boney before this time and, thanks to Google, I found his picture & read his bio.  Mr. D played some of Boney’s songs and I wondered how people can listen to instrumentals for an entire album but it grew on me as I learned how to listen to and appreciate jazz.  I began to hear the different instruments and the show was good (imo) since this was my first live jazz concert.  I even found a boxing match in Chicago (amateur local boxers) since he loves watching people get punched in the face until they lose consciousness.  I don’t do boxing but it was something we could do together while I tried to share in his interests.  I went to a seafood place with him (he loves this stuff) and tried crab legs, calamari, crab cakes, and shrimp….all foods I do not like but I tried it anyways since he was convinced that his presence will make a difference this time around.  He even fed me the food from his fork as I slowly chewed each piece with a clear grimace on my face as if I was in pain.  I still don’t like shrimp or crab legs (texture not taste) but the crab cakes & calamari was good.  You see?  I am trying.  Where is his effort??

To answer the comment, no it is not so bad that we don’t have a lot of activities in common.  In fact, that is what makes this all interesting.  The exposure to new and exciting things to say I tried it & to get out of my comfort zone or shell and do something different.  He says I’m a conquerer because I’m afraid of heights but excited to go on the ferris wheel.  I say I live life a little bit more than he does.  The “talk” happened a few hours ago because I read the local paper every single morning on my way to work drooling over the Spring and Summer events happening soon.  I am discouraged because if you invite someone to take part in your interests and you are constantly turned down then you just stop asking but I refuse to spend my leisure time alone.  I did not ask but I let him know that I do not intend to go out solo but plan on inviting a friend.  Which friend?  Well, since I have about zero close female friends here, that friend will be a guy who has already volunteered to have Fun in the City with me.  Mr. D did not like that so out came his ultra bitchy attitude, the “why don’t you just be with him if he’s so much fun” comment, and the “what if I went out with my female friends?” question to elicit a jealous response from me.  I retreated to silence, remembered all the good ways to argue & handle disputes that I learned from some marriage show, and I did not return fire with fire (although he was being childish).  I made it clear I did not like his stank attitude, I thought that comment was below the belt, and I asked what blow up dolls he’d have to find to play the part of these female friends.  Really?!  It’s funny how I only hear about these alleged female friends when I wanna go out with a guy friend instead of sitting in the house because he’s either busy or don’t wanna go out with me.

Long story short, I don’t know why he is here other than we got along fine until this point because I seem to think spending time together and exploring new things is good.  Outside of his friendship, he adds nothing to my life that I feel I can’t live without.  Ok, I’m lying.  I’d be devastated if things didn’t work out but I’d get over it eventually esp since I am suffocating myself while I bend over backwards trying to compromise with his interests.  He is a good eligible bachelor and we can still be friends but I wonder how it will change due to this.  In life, we may walk wherever he wants to walk as long as it’s not on my side of the road.  That point he has made very clear.  This guy friend is seriously more available with his time and down for whatever.  No sexual intentions or ambitions from either side and both parties know about one another.  I asked if it’s just this guy or would any guy piss him off.  He resorts to another “what if I….” question.  Why can’t some guys just answer “yes” or freaking “no” to a “yes or no” question?  It’s not hard.  I set the question up clear and concise to eliminate confusion and I still get a question in place of an answer.  By this point, I was exhausted from being the bigger person and frustrated that not a single one of my “fighting fair and mature” tactics were working to prevent a huge argument….so I hung up the phone.  Either I am destined to be single for the rest of my life or this is just another bump in the road.  Either way, I plan to go out with Mr. Down-For-Whatever and enjoy my life while Mr. D figures out if he wants to be apart of my life too.  Am I crazy or over-reacting?

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March 28, 2010 Posted by | Life, Love, Men | , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Me or You?

I am extremely anal.  Picky.  Concise.  Clear.  If you tell me you will do “A” but you fail to do “A” then I get upset.  Upset because I have enough sense to know I should not say I will do something and not deliver.  Yes, things happen but usually when these situations have occured….”things” have not happened.  Just people who failed to do what they said so they ask me to cut them some slack.  Bend over backwards.  Change my own standards so they can fit in somehow.  And I do it.  I do it because people call me anal, claim I want perfection, think I am not willing to compromise, or am a tad bit unrealistic in my expectations of others.  My argument is this: my expectation of you is exactly what you tell me.  I do not expect anything less or more than what you say from your own mouth.  But, somehow, I am to blame for the inability of some people to realize that they cannot live up to their own expectations of them selves.

I am typing all this because I am tired of apologizing for who I am.  “Pick your battles sweety”.  “Relationships are about compromise”.  “No one is perfect darling”.  I know all this but how can I change me?  I am not going to be less anal.  I will calm it down long enough to drain the life out of me and long enough to become less irritating but who a person truly is eventually resurfaces which is why women are always warned never to change a man.  Never!  Do not even think you can change a man because it’s impossible.  Women are told this.  But if a man thinks I am too anal I am told from both sides to change.  Why?  If he is not defective but excusable then why am I not shown the same treatment?  Someone told me they would call me later.  I asked, “what do you mean by later?”  There is laughter.  I’m not laughing.  I’m seriously waiting for an answer.  They say, “later in the day”.  I say, “now we see you have mastered the art of ambiguity which is excellent but can you answer my question in a way that actually answers it instead of simply replying to it?”  Face shows confusion.  I exhale loudly and say, “I didn’t think you had an answer and you obviously think I am undeserving of one so do me a favor and don’t bother calling at all.” 

This is pure bullshyt.  I accept who I am and I know that if I compromise, give, & bend over backwards when it comes to my annoying habit then I will lose who I am.  Who I am is very important to me.  I shut up, apologize, get things back on the track of happiness but I’m not happy inside…..I’m just going along for the ride because some of my friends know I’m too anal and any guy who can handle me deserves an award but I know I am anal for a reason and any guy who needs me to lower my standards and swallow who I am is beneath me.  A good guy.  A great guy.  But I felt myself strangling myself to death last night.  A friend of mine was complaining about his girlfriend because she has this annoying habit of complaining about folks loudly and in an extremely critical way.  I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “well, that’s who she is.  It irritates the hell outta me so I know I can only take small doses of her.  What did she say when you brought it to her attention?”  He replied, “she said I have to deal with it or I can leave.”  I was shocked at the blunt honesty thinking this girl was crazy and kinda rude to not even think of compromising.  Now, months later, I kinda understand her a little bit. 

There are some things that are just apart of who that person is.  Snoring.  Gossip.  Anal.  Opinionated.  Aggressive.  Dominant.  Spoiled.  Ghetto.  Judgemental.  Etc.  You have to decide what you can and can not deal with and not blame that person for refusing to compromise who they are but instead applauding them for staying true to who they are instead of hiding it for it to resurface later sometime after the honeymoon.  I have a lot of small annoying things I do but the main one has been my refusal to accept ambiguous bullshyt (I did from this guy from day one and should have ended the conversation when he first opened his mouth because he was full of shyt the whole way through and still is.).  When I don’t accept it, I am criticized left and right.  My second thing is holding someone to what they say.  Don’t say it if you don’t plan on doing it…..it’s quite simple but, again, I’m a bitch because I’m seen as being too anal & psycho.  Psycho.  My favorite word.  I think it’s because I’ve been lied to majority of my life & people are out to convince me that I’m crazy (lol) but I guess it’s my “flaw” that I can’t change even if I wanted to.  So, my point is STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME! You knew who I was from day one so deal with it or leave!! I accept your sorry ass & your flaws day after freakin day but you can’t accept the fact that I need to know what the hell you mean when you say “later” or I honestly expected you to do what you said you’d do?  I am difficult to deal with and a lot of guys say I’m too much work but I am not changing.  I’m not.  “Easy” has never been a word used to describe me.

March 12, 2010 Posted by | Me | , , , , , , | 1 Comment