32B's Blog

…where I write my words

Day 36

Today I am grateful for clarity.  I think I am depressed.  You wanna know why I think that?  Because it’s Tuesday and I haven’t showered since Sunday when I learned my grandmother has passed away.  My body has not touched water since Sunday morning but I have brushed my teeth.  I have eaten huge amounts of chocolate.  I have been sleeping a lot and waking up during the middle of the night and going back to sleep about 2am to start my day off completely exhausted.  I have not eaten any real food until I feel my stomach about to jump from my body unless I feed it something of substance.  And, I can’t seem to pull myself together to study for my midterm exam in the hardest class I have this semester.  This is not the time for this shit to happen but it is never the time for shit to happen; that’s life.  So, I sit here in my 2 day of literal funk not really caring about washing my ass because I am holding on to the only thing I can hold on to; signed The Control Freak.  I’ll pull through in my own time, I’m sure.  But, for now, I’m grateful for knowing how I am handling this which isn’t as bad as it could be but it isn’t as good as it can be either.  I’m also grateful for the formatting Braxton did for my grandmother’s voicemail which I placed on Facebook and for him understanding that I would really like to be left alone…I haven’t answered my phone lately unless it’s related to the kids.

 

 

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March 6, 2012 - Posted by | Grateful |

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