32B's Blog

…where I write my words

Day 33

Today, I am grateful for the truth.  Tonight, we had a Family Reunion Meeting.  Tonight, I learned a lot about my past, family members, and their treatment of those dearest to me that it hurts.  It makes me want to cry but I don’t because it’s water under the bridge or spilled milk; both stupid sayings that don’t remove the actually pain felt from either action.  When my maternal grandmother passed away, she cried a few days before because she wanted just one last wish before her death and a specific child(ren) refused her that.  Now, my paternal grandmother lies in a nursing home or rehabilitation center (I have no clue where) and people are fighting over what little money she does have.  It’s shameful!  To me, I wonder how someone can be so evil but then others might wonder how I can be the way I am at times.  I am angry, sad, and disgusted all at the same time.  Both are 2 sweet ladies who were fantastic grandmothers.  You see this shit on TV, in movies, on the pages of some book but in your own family? Twice?!  It’s crazy.  My one wish is to have her back to normal so I can have just one conversation with her just to tell her all those things people told her about me and my sisters were lies, that she should not trust even the people she gave birth to, and that I will take her to church.  Only one thing she wanted to do; go to church.  My grandma always went to church.  Monday thru Saturday were days she probably just winged it but Sunday she was there; always.  Until she couldn’t get to church.  I recall almost 2 years ago listening to her tell me over the phone how much she misses church and wish she could go to her church again.  The church we grew up listening to and the one I remember her taking me to when I was a little bitty girl.  That’s all she wanted but I don’t have a car and I don’t have the money to rent a car every weekend.  How is it possible to not do that?

Anywho, dinner tonight was eye-opening.  I am indeed naive because I want to believe the good about people.  I do not want to believe that children steal money from their ageing parents, threaten their siblings, and clear out deceased family member’s bank accounts before their ink is dry on the Death Certificate.  Some are Christian folks with “minister” in their title.  I swear God, I know you promised not to destroy the earth again but I truly think you should send Jesus back sooner rather than later so this world can officially and finally end.  This is not at all what I like to live, see, or hear happening down here so I am sure it horrifies you.  No, I’m not streaky clean.  But, the elderly?  Have a heart, please!  People kill babies without a care in the world.  People harm the defenseless and it’s cowardly.  Tonight, I saw how one bad, selfish, and evil decision decades ago has torn the family apart and how communication is still bad when it’s false communication built on lies.  Integrity, ethics, and honor; if not to anyone else in the world then at least to your parents.  My dad died about 8 years ago and I didn’t cry or attend his funeral because I was happy he was gone from this earth to face his judge since he lived as if he was above penalty or that God didn’t exist.  It sounds heartless but he never corrected his wrong here on earth, which he is honestly not required to, but I sure hoped he had with Him.  I miss my dad as I knew him and I wish he could have been that way forever but he wasn’t.  He was a great dad, to me.  I have fond memories of him; unfortunately, not everyone does.  My mom is still alive and well and I plan to at least financially support her in her old age.  I’m not the cook/domestic child but I think I am the most financially savvy/smart right now and I’d wish and hope she does not do as my grandmothers have done; trust your children to do right by you.  It fails more times than it succeeds.  So, tonight I am very grateful for the truth not matter how badly it stings.


March 3, 2012 - Posted by | Grateful |

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