32B's Blog

…where I write my words

Here We Go Again…

I am not a horror film fan.  Mostly, I think they are lame, unrealistic, and just stupid.  The last good scary movie I saw was Case 39 and it scared the piss outta me only because I find it so closely matches real situations that it was no longer entertainment but something to actually, get this, fear.  Case 39 is about a Social Worker who is given a child neglect/abuse case in which the parents of a little girl are basically not loving parents to this kid.  Well, without giving away the movie, the kid is not really a kid anyways.  When I first watched this movie, I could not sleep for almost 2 days and when I did accidentally drift off, I jerked back awake and made sure every light in my apartment was on.  With me, this type of movie rings true because I believe in spirits whether demonic or holy.  I can’t recall when I started to believe in them but I know I always have because I always had an experience to tell about.

This past Monday, I had fallen asleep pretty late in my bedroom on my bed.  Then someone jabbed my leg hard and I jolted awake looking around the room for one of my kids but they were both asleep in their room.  Who the hell just hit me?!  It was an actual jab so hard that I still felt the force on my left thigh right above my left knee.   I placed my hand there and looked around my room.  No one was there but I still sat upright waiting for someone to appear and say, “it was me”.  That is how certain I was (and pissed) that I was not alone and was in a good deep sleep before I was rudely awaken.  The bad thing?  This kind of thing has happened so often I was not afraid of the sheer idea or situation.  The good thing?  Not sure if there is a good thing.  I closed my eyes and silently asked God to show me if whatever it was was sent by Him or the other party.  It took a couple of hours before I could go back to sleep but, since I was awaken at 3am, I had to get up in 3 hours anyways.

This past Tuesday, I was talking away minutes on my cell phone when I finally hung up the phone and nodded off to sleep at about 12:30a in the freaking morning.  No biggie….I work from home today so nowhere to go early in the morning.  At almost exactly 1:30a, someone yelled into my ear “wake up”.  This shout literally jolted me awake and I rubbed my eyes confused.  Did I just hear someone in my ear?  Who said that??  It was loud almost like a megaphone had been sitting on my ear.  Tired, frustrated, and confused…I called a minister from my previous church.  Not sure why I instinctively did that but she answered the phone as if it was 1:30pm instead of am.  I told her what had happened, what has happened in the past, we discussed a situation in this same apartment earlier this year, and how I know she might think I am making this up but I would rather be asleep than talking about this at this hour.  She listened, shared some of her stories, reassured me that had she been someone else she might have chalked me up as crazy, and then she offered some solutions.

Not a single friend from my inner circle has experienced anything similar to this which is why I rarely discuss it with them.  Some friends are of a different Christian denomination so, to them, any demonic or holy spirit is a figment of my imagination and an example of my emotions working on my psyche.  Some friends do not know if they believe in spirits at all although they have personal stories and never discount what someone else feels.  I just think I was chosen to experience certain things that I do not fully understand but am growing accustomed to (another bad thing).  This past Tuesday, I stayed awake until 6am cleaning the house and finally went to sleep for a couple of hours when my kids woke up.  If they were awake maybe “they” wouldn’t bother me so I could get some sleep.

My minister offered 3 explanations esp since I told her I had stories from the time I was a college student until now. 1) My lifestyle is sinful and offering a gateway for demonic spirits to set up shop, 2) these situations occur when I become closer to God or more on the path destined for me, or 3) I have been assigned a tormenting spirit for no other reason than to bug the hell outta me.  She wondered if it was just this apartment but I shook my head fiercely as if she was sitting in front of me – these things seem to follow me occasionally vanishing and appearing at inopportune times so it can’t be my address.  She wondered if I had a past in cult activity, Ouiji boards, or calling spirits from the other side even commenting that once you do that it is hard to break that connection.  Nope, I wouldn’t even know where to begin such activities.  She wondered if I was participating in any sinful behavior that was ushering the demonic spirits in.  Other than normal everyday sins which I have foolishly lost that guilty subconscious feeling over, nope, nothing out of the ordinary….still a regular ole’ sinner but I didn’t tell her that.  I kept quiet and let her finish talking. 

What do I think?  Based on past experiences, this only seems to happen when I am making a positive change(s) in my life.  During college while I shared a bed with my then husband, these spirits would visit me almost every night making noises while I tried to sleep and sat on my bed so I could feel their weight but not see them.  At this time, I was going in and out of periods of being a practicing Christian in talk and in my walk.  I can talk the talk like it’s never been talked before but when I began the walk – this is when I notice them.  When I stopped church, praying, reading the Bible, and began sexing, drinking, smoking, clubbin, and cussing like a sailor…..I never had a run in with them.  When I separated from my husband, began going to church full-time including Bible Study & Sunday school, started taking my kids, bought my 1st Bible, and began to pray for no reason other than to open the lines of communication….they came back.  I am not 100% sure in my theory but I am at least 90% sure in the somewhat pattern.  For the life of me, I cannot remember a time when I was living & drowning in sin that they showed up and showed out.  So what change occurred recently?

I found my scripture list.  I couldn’t find where I had placed them until this past week.  I read through each one remembering how I used to have them all memorized.  I even found John 17 – an entire chapter I once committed to memory for no reason other than it is a gorgeous eloquent piece of poetry to me.  I read it and my spirit lifted because the words are so magically.  Like running 10 miles on cruise control – rarely does anyone understand what you find special or think is awesome.  Anywho, that is when those 2 days occurred but, thank God, they stopped at Tuesday because my minister said a powerful prayer with me over the phone asking God to do nothing less than work a miracle while sending the Holy Angel Regime to camp out at my address while I prayed everyday to calm my fears and just trust Him.  The hard things, I remember with ease.  The simple things, I forget like I was never taught.


December 3, 2010 - Posted by | Life |

1 Comment »

  1. I wanted to see Case 39 but I didn’t get a chance to! I’m glad you had someone to call (who would answer @ 1:30 in the morning).

    Comment by 2blu2btru | December 3, 2010

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