32B's Blog

…where I write my words

Waiting for Time

I_Want_My_Time_Back_by_GrimarchangelSometimes I wonder things and I never seem to get an answer so I get frustrated and I just stop.  I stop.  I carry on with work, the kids, studying, and any thing else I must do but other times I just stop and keep to myself closing myself off from the world till I feel or know that I know my next course of action.  Or, I stop long enough to calm me down before me does something stupid that me won’t be able to convince a jury of because me has blood all over her hands and me is sitting there looking stupid so what me does is sit and wait and be patient because I heard patience is a virtue but, even if it’s not, patience gives me time to get some control over me so I can remember how to hold my tongue and stop my thoughts and silence my words and just watch the salt drain from the glass ever so slowly wondering when it will be my time.  My ex husband.  The apple of my freakin eye.  The love of my life.  The axis to my earth.  The core of my being.  The sugar in my tea.  The worm in my apple.  The burden of my life.  The meteor on a crash course with my earth.  The heartache of my being.  The anthrax in my tea.  My ex.  He is about 8 weeks behind in child support.  I’ve been patient while he found a job but I must admit I suffer from a known condition that I have yet to find a prescription for: thinking people will just do what’s right.  I don’t know how I caught this.  Maybe it’s because I tend to be overly optimistic, believing people are good-hearted in general, or just not wanting to think someone would actually ask me to bend over so I can take it up the azz.  Maybe it’s my fault.

Well, he has had a difficult time getting child support arranged to come from his check so, after a week or two with no response from him, I called my attorney.  Order is in and ready to be exercised.  Then he emails me to say he has $250 to give to me for the kids.  Email.  I have a cell phone and work phone but for some reason he chooses to only communicate through email.  I call him.  No call back.  I send an email.  No reply till a week later when he tells me he doesn’t know how to get the money to me.  Here is where I laugh so hard I grab a gun and accidently discharge it hoping the bullet travels to Indianapolis and finds him where ever he may be.  You have money but can’t seem to figure out how to get it to me because, afterall, I am in a remote location without access to technology in ANY form completely cut off from society left to my own means so, yes, I can see how this can be a difficult task for you.  I understand completely.  So, I give him my attorney’s phone number and the website to the child support office which states that this FREE site is for the payment of child support.  Days later….I don’t hear from him at all.  I don’t even sweat it because, after a decade, his behavior no longer surprises me.  What does surprise me?  The lack of growth.  Of change.  Of evolution.  Of time because time tends to make this better with age.  Time usually brings about evolution.  Time changes things and people or so I thought.  Not expecting overnight anything.  Just a sliver of something.  He has yet to find a way to get the $250 to me so now I think I should move from Chicago to, I don’t know, a place not even on the map yet, because Chicago is waaaaay too desolate being one of the biggest cities in the USA and all that so there’s no way in hell to get money to someone from a mere 4 hours away.  How absurd!

I check the automated system to see if a payment has been sent and he failed to tell me.  Nope.  Last payment was July 2009.  Yep.  July.  It’s October.  Thank God I am doing fine on my own with the income I have because….well, I think we all know.  But that’s not the icing on the cake.  The sprinkles on the ice cream cone.  The peanut butter on the cracker.  Or, the jelly on the toast.  This nigga right here (I can call him a nigga because I have a black card) had the audacity to update his status on Facebook to take a poll of whether he should buy this Gateway notebook he’s standing in Best Buy looking at right at this very moment or the iPhone.  Hmmm….decisions decisions decisions.  Laptop or iPhone.  Laptop or iPhone.  Laptop or iPhone.  Laptop or iPhone.  I have a laptop.  A Dell laptop.  I use it to work from home.  I also use it to study.  And, I use it to write blogs, watch YouTube, read other blogs, surf the web, talk to friends, and waste a boatload of time.  But, the main purpose I bought it was because the computer my company gave me got a virus (probably my fault) so I bought a laptop so I won’t be responsible for messing up someone else’s anything.  Maybe that’s a stupid reason to buy one because who needs a reason to spend hundreds of dollars on something they do not need but would rather just have?  Who does that??  Not a student in anyone’s school.  Don’t have a work from home anything.  And, study….study what?!  So, here I am spending money on a laptop to actually use it for income….silly silly lil girl I am.  Someone smack me!  Of course I understand how difficult of a decision that must be to choose between a laptop and an iPhone when your ex-wife isn’t getting child support for your 2 kids.  I can see the dilemma. 

Well, I don’t know what he eventually choose if he choose anything at all but the sheer fact that he found his way to Best Buy to stand there and play with a laptop and contemplate an iPhone when he can barely keep his pre-paid phone is beyond me.  Waaaay beyond me!  So far beyond it’s probably off in the nowhere along with Chicago….where the President spent a good portion of his career….where they make the best deep dish pizza….where we got laughed at around the world for our Summer Olympics bid.  But, you know, Chicago is still soooo hard to send money to.  Ahh, the anger.  The heat raising up my neck as I read his status update.  My fingers clicking on another link just to go back to his page because I was sure my eyes were losing their vision.  The speechless moment I had reading people’s responses.  The advice from some friends telling me I should have commented that child support would be better use of the excess cash flow he’s suffering from right now.  But, I didn’t.  I’m waiting for my time.  As the salt drains ever so slowly from this freakin glass in front of me (that’s not me in the picture….I’ve never had blonde hair) I sit and patiently wait for him to fall back on his azz.  I’m not wishing bad on him.  I just want God to get vengeance for me.  Just like I heard that patience is a virtue and what goes around comes around and something about karma….I also heard God say vengeance was His.  So, I practice patience and I sit and wait too pissed to even talk about it other than type it because this is actually a release for me.  Laptop or iPhone….I hope either one short circuits and electrocute his azz.  Ok, I’m done being mean.


October 27, 2009 Posted by | Life | , , , | Leave a comment