32B's Blog

…where I write my words


stepping_through_my_shadow_by_peewee82In this world of this life, we meet very different people with vast perspectives of the same world in which we all cohabit.  There are some who think that all others should see things as they do.  There are some who expect different perspectives.  And, then there are some who encourage and thrive in the midst of these differences which, at its very core, actually shows commonality amongst us.  My perspective of different things, different issues, and different topics result from my own experiences, teachings, and ingrained expectations.  Experiences tend to shape our future outlook as it relates to something we have endured.  Broken heart?  Now love will have to jump through hoops the next time it crosses your path just to prove that this time will be different.  Nearly drowned as a child?  Water is officially your kryptonite and an arctic hell is exactly when you will step foot in anything more than a bath tub.  Teased as an overweight child?  “Free” is a permanent member of your kitchen – fat free, gluten free, sugar free, taste free, etc.  What we do as a result of what we endured is not our fault but it is our responsibility.  Our responsibility to not allow it to alter our lives.

What if someone told person #3 that too much exercise can actually do more harm than good?  That your muscles are your friends and need to be strengthened but not overworked so that they can’t even carry out their most basic task.  That your body really does need some fat to function on a daily basis and it’s all about portion control.  That the fear of being overweight can lead to a definite future of being underweight.  It will take time to convince this person, and any other person, that although their intentions are pure the effects can be detrimental.  Asking someone to let go of their perspective is like taking their favorite blanket – it’s their comfort and crutch.  If they lose that excuse then they are susceptible to suffer the past they once knew with nothing to stand in the way to prevent it from happening again.  Changing someone’s perspective or even your own takes a conscious effort, willingness, and diligence to never quit no matter how difficult and frustrating it will get.  Now imagine for a second that water is your friend.  Water is God’s gift to you and, yes, God does still love you.  Imagine the fear of that person when their toe so much as breaks the surface of the water.  They will fight you.  They will fight themselves.  They will fight God even and tell Him He is wrong and they are right because they have been here before and know what has happened so, since it has happened before, it surely will happen again and they will not and cannot go down that road again to face that same pain and fear.  Irrational.  Illogical.  Unreasonable.  Insane. 

We all suffer from or have suffered from some battle wound in life.  Wounds usually heal quickly when taken care of but proper care does involve taking the bandage off once in a while to allow the wound to breathe.  Covering it, shielding it from the elements in fear that it will get infected only prolongs the healing process.  Infection is a genuine concern but be conscious of the environment where you open your wound.  Someone with a broken heart won’t allow their wound to air out in the presence of those looking to hit-and-quit, pencil in a booty call, roll the dice on the boardwalk of their heart, or add their name to a new roster.  The funny thing is how quickly life can wound us compared to how long it takes for us to heal.  In a flash we lose our once rosy and optimistic vision of life making those around us wonder when the funeral will take place and they can bury your dead body.  But to see things as they really are, as they could be, as they should be is rejuvenating and exhilarating.  No, it’s not easy and yes it hurts like hell to do what you have forced yourself not to do out of fear that there will be a deja vu moment.  Not out of fear that sugar will kill you neither out of fear that love will gut you….just fear that you will make the same mistake you did before.  If you refuse to acknowledge your skewed perspective, make a conscious effort to change that perspective, and replace it with a new perspective then you will forever see things through the veil of your past which is not how others see the world.  You are not above water like the rest but you are choosing to drown while looking up at life.  Now, what you have feared has taken control.

I have a perspective malfunction in one or two areas of my life and, as much as I think I am moving pass them, I am reminded often that I have a ways to go before I am over it.  The funny thing is that, for me at least, I couldn’t get over these fears alone.  Talking to God did little because, no matter how much I begged, He has refused to come down from Heaven, hold my hand, and physically walk me through these various situations.  People who can empathize and people who care about me are those who have helped me through many circumstances.  As much as I label myself crazy, looney, and emotionally psycho…I always seem to find someone who can look past my issues and be there.  Or, maybe they see their own psychoness and can sense one of their own…I’ll take that too.


April 10, 2009 - Posted by | Life | , , ,

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: