32B's Blog

…where I write my words



There was a time I felt like I had lost myself.  I knew what I looked like, what I used to be, who I used to be, and where I was last seen but that is it.  Life has a way of taking us on a ride from which some seldom get off or even know they can take a slight detour while on.  Feeling like you have lost yourself is not a way to live life but realizing you have lost you is a great place to be.  One of my friends is in a relationship where his needs and desires aren’t being met as he would like.  He texted me once to say that he feels as if he has stopped living since he got into this relationship.  Stopped living?  And to say it was when he became someone’s boyfriend is remarkable.  I told him he was not happy if that is how he feels.  He says he wants her but knows that she does not satisfy him completely.  At what cost are we willing to lose ourselves? 

I recently saw the movie Revolutionary Road starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet.  The movie asked the question, how can we break free without breaking apart?  In the movie, without giving away the movie, there is an American married couple who have always refused to live the wholesome surburban life with the 2.5 kids but they find themselves there eventually while one wants desperately to leave that life but not at the sacrifice of losing his family.  The other wants desperately to leave that life and is willing to sacrifice anything just to break free because they are literally breaking down. 

Life can be empty and hopeless when you feel you have lost your way, feel you have given up on your dreams, feel you are not living life as you desired to, feel life is passing you by, or feel like life like this is simply a jail sentence.  In the movie, the only person who seems to be in touch and aware was someone clinically diagnosed as mentally impaired.  He said quite a few profound statements in the movie including the one below: “Plenty of people are on to the emptiness [of life] but it takes real guts to see the hopelessness.

Kate Winslet’s character said:  “If being crazy means living life as if it matters then I don’t care if we’re completely insaneandYou know what’s so good about the truth? Everyone knows what it is however long they’ve lived without it.  No one forgets the truth they just get better at lying.

Leonardo DiCaprio’s character said: “Knowing what you’ve got, knowing what you need, knowing what you can do without – that is inventory control

I do not believe in reincarnation nor do I believe that our cards are already dealt for us.  We all have a choice on how we live our lives.  We all get lost sometime too.  Just don’t stay lost.  When you begin to feel as if the person looking back at you in the mirror is not you but only looks like you, when you feel there is no point getting up in the morning, when your daily routine has you wanting to swallow a bullet, when you realize you have accepted the myth that kids and/or marriage means life as you know it ends, when you can’t remember the last time you even smiled….go find you and your happiness where ever it may be or with whom ever it may be….be completely insane but completely you!


March 14, 2009 - Posted by | Life | , , , , ,

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