Day 30

Today I am thankful for my Rabbit! This is probably TMI but IDC lol.  I haven’t masturbated in years but, when I did, I used my Rabbit.  It’s probably old skool by now but it’s still my Ole Faithful tool to get me there.  I did to literally find it, dust it off, search for batteries, put it to work.  This post does not require details which I will gladly keep to myself but it was definitely well worth the effort So, today I am really grateful for the release lol!

Day 29

Today, I am grateful for having the resources to make someone’s birthday special.  This time last year, he’d just found out his wife was cheating and she had no intentions on reconciling with her husband even deciding to clear out their joint account to  run away with their son.  His birthday, along with Valentine’s Day, was a horrible memory and reminder of that failed marriage.  Well, I’m not miracle worker because if I was I’d use my insane powers to completely clear his memory of those events Men in Black style.  But, I am powerless so this is where Visa comes in.  From 6 hours away, I surprised him with a gift he hadn’t bought his self in over a couple of years, a chocolate birthday cake delivered to his door, and another gift he could wear.  As much as I wanted to be there, as much as he had planned to be here, and as life always does to any plans we think we are going to make; it was the best I could do under the circumstances.  Sometimes it’s good to make someone else’s day fantastic so today I am grateful I could do just that.

Day 28

Today I am grateful for the time to talk about my wishes when I die.  I ask a lot of questions and I like to talk about important topics when I think about them and not when I think the time is right because, imo, there is no such thing.  I got the chance to discuss my current life insurance policy, how things are currently set up in the event I die tomorrow, and how I would like my remains to be buried or not.  I discussed what I’d like to happen if I remarried, what I’d like to happen if I remarried AND had another baby, and what I’d like to happen if I remarried someone whose existing child(ren) became my step-child(ren).  I discussed all these things and the importance that any money I leave behind is legally kept out of any and every family member’s hands.  There is no time like the present to discuss your last wishes in every possible scenario you can think of (although I have yet to finalize my Power of Attorney), so for that I am grateful.

Day 27

Today I am grateful for Guys Time which means I get Mommy Time! I didn’t go to church today.  I stayed up late and then slept in late so the boys got picked up by one of the ICI counselors who took them to Study School, Church service, and then to Pizza Hut afterwards.  All guys since the counselor’s wife and daughter were out of the town for a funeral.  I think little boys should have as much time with other boys and men as they possibly can; good boys and men.  So, I am grateful that in my laziness my boys still got the chance to make it to church and it was a great guys time by all.

Day 26

Today I am grateful for the Wii so my kids were occupied and I could get my studying done.  This Wii has been the ultimate babysitter!  I know it’s not good to have kids in front of the TV for hours when they need to be outside or getting physical exercise but they both are in sports at the park every week.  When it comes to having to get things done and getting them out of my hair, I am grateful for the Wii and Netflix which has kept them content and  busy for as long as I need them to be.

Day 25

Today I am grateful for another chance!  I studied, read, and got my butt off the computer and did superbly on this week’s quiz.  The week before, I had gotten a 67% which is horrible considering we have 10 quizzes this semester and only 2 can be dropped.  That means I can only eff up one more ‘gain before my grade officially falls into “shitty” realm.  Well, this past week I got a 100% on my quiz!  That’s right…I aced it.  I logged into our class blackboard to check my grade.  While the page was loading I kept peeking up because as soon as it opened on that screen my grade will be right in front of me.  You guessed it, I literally screamed and threw up hands up into the arm like I’d just won some fabulous prize.  It’s only a perfect score on a quiz.  Not the pressure builds because, from here on out til the end of the semester, I have to redeem myself and kick ass on my 2 exams.  But, I am grateful for the chance to prove that I am capable of succeeding in this field; no matter how much I complain.

Day 24

Today I am grateful for learning how to let go of my anger.  He was at fault for leaving JQ outside alone.  I wanted him suspended, fired, fined, physically harmed…something.  But, I knew when the supervisor promised to call me back after their meeting about the issue that the best I could hope for was an apology.  Why?  Because it was his first offense.  How punishing should you be when it is someone’s first offense?  Yes, nothing catastrophic happened; but it could have.  He was found safe & alive; but what if he hadn’t?  I’m told to focus not on the fact that things could have turned out for the worst but that they did not.  They didn’t.  I can sue for something like this.  The entire agency would have to pay because they were clearly negligent.  I’d win big!  Then what?  Would it not be enough to have my son safe and sound or would it be enough to teach them a lesson?  This shit should never happen!  But, I don’t do anything.  I take the call, I hear the apology on the other end of the phone, I hear the promise of “never again”, and I hang up hoping that my understand of getting a clean slate or another chance is not going to come bite me in the ass.  I’m grateful, this time, for learning to control my anger and accepting the fact that things did and may very well have been planned to turn out good.

Day 23

Today I am grateful for several Angels watching over my son tonight.  It was just Day 4 when I was saying how grateful I am for the ICI.  Well, tonight I am grateful there’s a safety net when humans do what they do best; make mistakes.  Wednesday evenings I have class.  Every Wednesday afternoon the same person from the ICI calls to ask if my youngest is going to the ICI, whether he needs to be picked up, if so from where, and where is he to be dropped off.  I gave my usual answer: he will be home for pick up and dropped off at the baby sitter’s house.  They already have the address since this is not the first but the umpteenth time.  It’s routine!  Well, my oldest texts me when he gets to the baby sitter’s house from Basketball so I will know both kids are at her house safe and sound.  7:30pm rolls around and nothing.  I text my oldest who texts back that he is at the baby sitter’s house but my youngest is not.  I begin to worry.  I shrug it off because I’m thinking maybe they are running late with drop-offs; an hour late!  At 8pm, my upstairs neighbor texts me to say she has my youngest son.  Wth?!  Apparently, the ICI had a new driver who negligently dropped my son off at my apartment building instead of the baby sitter’s house because he hadn’t gotten the memo about where he was supposed to take him while I am downtown in class.  So, he drops off my 6 yr old at a building where no one is home and pulls off thinking that since the first of a double door was unlocked that meant my son was “in the building”.  No.  My son was left outside on a busy street in Chicago for about 1.5 hours unattended crying occasionally calling out my and my oldest son’s name because he thought we were upstairs but weren’t coming down to get him.

By a miracle, 2 young men walked by and rang my neighbors buzzer not knowing if anyone was home but hoping someone was.  Through the intercom, they told her some little kid was downstairs outside her building crying.  She came downstairs and instantly recognized my son.  The guys asked if she could at least take him inside so he’d be off the streets which she of course did.  I don’t know who those guys were but I prayed a special prayer of favor and bless on them for taking the time to even stop and care about some random kid they didn’t know.  Class wasn’t over yet but as soon as I read that text, I grabbed my coat, bag, books, and yanked both pass the pregnant student sitting next to me whom I hope I didn’t hit in the head/face/etc while I was rushing to exit the room.  I heard my professor say, “the class isn’t dismissed until 8:30pm!” but I wasn’t paying her any attention.  I got on the phone and cussed for about 30 minutes realizing what had happened.  Then, I called everyone from the ICI whose number I had until someone answered their phone.  When one guy did answer, I began to tell him the story but by then I was so grateful he was ok I was finally able to cry at the fact that one turn of events could have made this the worst night of my life.  He promised to find out what had happened and said, “I know words don’t mean anything right now but I am sorry this happened to you”.  You’re right….words don’t mean shit right now.  But, I’m grateful my son is alive, well, and unharmed.  I explained what happened esp since he immediately thought I had abandoned him and then I went on about my life even emailing my professor to explain why I so rudely rushed out of her class.  I swear, some days you just can’t make this shit up!

Day 22

Today I am grateful for the basics they taught you probably in Kindergarten because reading is fundamental.  This is probably really corny but I sat down and started reading for class but my mind would begin to drift, I’d start daydreaming, I’d get up to get something to eat, or wanna check my email real quick, etc.  I was constantly distracted and had only read maybe a paragraph or two.  Tired of wasting time reading but not reading, I decided to do what most people hate; I started reading out loud.  For some reason, this has always worked for me.  I remember what I’ve or am reading, I am less distracted, and the topic suddenly seems interesting.  I read out loud for the entire chapter while highlighting key points and before I knew it I had made some real progress so here’s to not following the accepted “read to yourself” idea.  Here’s to reading out loud for the sake of reading comprehension.

Day 21

Today I grateful that I know how to and actually do hold my tongue.  There are many times when you want to say something, put someone in their “place”, and even think it’s about time someone told them what needs to be said.   I had that moment and I wanted to but I’m glad I didn’t because I would have been as much an ignorant fool as the person I was mad at.  Being patient or self-controlling isn’t something I have mastered so when I do accomplish little small feats like this I am super-duper proud of myself.